Nakama....

I got this word from my favorite anime One Piece.. Nakama is a Japanese word that when strictly translated can mean "a company, set, group, party, circle, gang, companion, fellow, mate, colleague, associate, etc." However, in One Piece (and to my favorite character Luffy) it means so much more than just that. It means "comrade/ally/crewmember" & "friend/mate/partner" and has a lot more weight to its significance than just saying a friend.

To Luffy, a "nakama" is a friend and comrade that he is willing to give his all for, he protects them with all of his power and being, and he is willing to fight to the death to keep them safe. He still does the same for his friends (tomodachi), but he is less concerned about them than he is about his nakama's well-being. He has friends spread all over the world that he thinks about now and then and looks out for when he is with them, but his nakama are the people who always remain by his side through thick and thin.. no matter what. It is those nakama that he desires to protect with every fiber of his being, even though he knows that they can take care of themselves.

I am very much the same.. without even realizing it at first I began to look at my own relationships with others. I have MANY people that I call my friend, and several score more that I consider acquaintances... but I have always felt like the relationships I have weren't quite deep enough. I see now that I have been searching the world for people that I myself might be able to call "nakama". People who will stay by my side through thick and thin.. no matter the squalls. People who would, upon hearing of my current plans for adventure, would jump on board without a second thought while trusting me to lead the way.

Keh.... I've tried again and again to form a relationship like this... and once or twice I had thought I had it.. But then things fell apart and I didn't even understand what the heck it was I had done wrong. Heck! I'm still not exactly sure what went wrong! All I know is that their trust in me to keep my word failed. I run at a different pace than the rest of the world.. Everyone today is all about now, now, now... where as I am much more flexible. Also.. it always involved money... and I learned the hard way that to most people money is far more important than friends. This lesson has been by far the hardest for me to learn.......

I simply don't understand how money could be so damned important! How can MONEY be more important than the people who are apart of your life? Why do people place so much more value on those insignificant shreds of paper and $$ signs than they do in the relationships they have with others? If you value your friends and family more than you value money, you can live a very rich life where everyone helps each other out. I guess I'm a bit socialist in this aspect as I believe wealth should be shared among those people you care about most.

I don't care about money.. I can't take it with me when I gone~ Besides! Money never makes people happy! No matter how much money a person might have, they are never happy unless they have family or close friends in which to share it with. I guess that's where my problems lie... Since I see money so much differently than the norm of people that I grew up with, of course it would cause problems.. Especially since I had little or no money at all during my college years and was dependent on others.. always promising to get them back once I finished college and got a good job.

I had every intent to do so and I still desire to return the money that was paid to me with a bit of tacked on interest.. but since it has taken me so long to get to a point where I finally can pay people back..... none of them talk to me anymore. They all got fed up with waiting and kicked me out of their lives without so much as a second glance... Hence why I felt so betrayed. But I guess I can't blame them... I did stay in college for 8 years without a decent way of paying them back. Most people are only willing to wait a year at most and don't give a rat's arse about promises. But I've gotten side-tracked~

Like Luffy.. I wish to find a small group of nakama... people I can let into my inner circle without fear of being betrayed. People I know I can trust and who I know trust and believe in me. I have been searching for 27.5 years for people like this and I have found some VERY close friends in the process~^^ They know who they are... But yet.. none of them are as reckless and crazy as I am to say that they will join me as I sail around the world. This is where the difference lies between calling them my best friends in the whole world and calling them my nakama. For they truly are my best friends in the whole entire world and I know for a fact that I can count on them to be there if ever I call with advice or aid if needed... & they can always count on me should they need me~^^ But I can't count on them to join me in my wild venture~ :P

I don't blame them though~^^ They have their own lives and their own dreams they wish to accomplish and I would NEVER take that away from them! I just wish I had 1 or 2 people like them that I could call my bestest friends in the whole wide world as well as my nakama because they'd willing join me and be my crew for when I finally set sail in a year or two saying, "You just tell me when & where.. & I'll be there!".. I'm still working on it though~^^ I haven't given up and I'm not the least bit upset with any of my friends! I love them as if they were my family. I want them to be happy and pursue their dreams as I have been.

I just hope that in time... I might find 1 or 2 people that I can call my Nakama........