Phew...

I am so worn out. I'm going to have to work on my health if I want to keep up with all these projects I've got going. The trip to Jeju was fun, but I've yet to post the images from the trip. Having to go through and process 877 images is quite a task.. and most aren't even worth posting. I'm starting to get the hang of photography though.. I'm starting to figure out what's a good image and what isn't. So, it's all worth it.

The JYJ Tshirt Teddies are steadily coming along. I just received my filler order and now I'm waiting on the button eyes. The first bear is nearly complete.. in fact, I can't do much more with it until I receive the button eyes in the mail. So, I'll start working on the 2nd bear this weekend.

Also this weekend, I have the International Boat Show and the boat race! So I'm gonna be quite busy~^^ But I wouldn't have it any other way. I go crazy from boredom if I've got nothing constructive to do. I hate sitting at a desk doing paperwork that won't get me anywhere but will appease the boss. Give me an overwhelming schedule of constructive tasks to do any day over sitting at a desk and "keeping busy".... XP

I hope I can find a few other crazy people like myself out there! Keh~ ;] Let's tear it up & have some fun, eh!? If you're interested, just let me know~ D.S.SunnyFreedom@gmail.com

This coming weekend! :D

This weekend is the International Boat Show in Hwaseong.. and a friend got me a free Exhibitor's Pass to the show!! :D It started today and will end on Sunday. I will be going Saturday and Sunday to the show. The best part is.. Saturday and Sunday is when the Semi-final and Final races for the Korean World Cup is going to be held!!! XD KYAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

I get to see the final races for the sailboats this year! I am SOOO taking my camera! What artist could possibly miss this perfect opportunity for some great images!? I am so unbelievably excited its CRAZY! Jeju was fun... but the boat show is sure to be a BLAST! I can't believe the guy was nice enough to get me a pass even though I told him that I am unable to afford the price he wanted to charge me for drawing up designs for my ship.

Thank the Lord and my blessed lucky stars for that one! TTvTT

Anyway! I'm steadily moving closer to my dream! Maybe I'll even be able to find some Nakama at the show! :D Kya!! XD Everybody!! FIGHTING!!!! LIVE YOUR DREAMS!!

Alright.. business logistics.. goals.. and hopes..

I've been doing some math and thinking. Seems I'll be able to make 10 - 15 Tshirt Teddies every month once I get everything up and running and I've settled into a routine with my new art business. It's a little hard to do that now since I'm working a full-time job. But once I'm able to concentrate fulling on Dream Ship, I'll be able to make a bear every 2 - 3 days; which means approximately 10 - 15 bears a month and ~$200 in donations for UNAIDS or WWF.

Besides bears, I'll also be making many other things; like accessories, jewelry, bags, other stuffed critters, and even altering old clothes for resale. There is also my photography and selling the prints. I'm hoping to be able to make a minimum of ~$500 a month. Once I have my ship, which will also be my home, office, and studio.. I should be able to survive off of that much at least. I've done it before, I can easily do it again. Over time, I hope to make a little bit more for every penny I make an equal amount of money will go towards raising money for the many charities I support.

As you know, half of my proceeds from Tshirt Teddies will be going to UNAIDS or WWF.. but I also wish to raise money for Heifer International, World Vision, and several others. With half of all the money I make goes to charity, then I will feel like a very rich and incredible person~^^ For as I've told many of my friends.. I don't care about money or being rich. I just want to make a difference!

I will also start writing books soon. I have the talent I've been told on many an occasion. I've just never really utilized it. So if I can get published and my books sell.. then I'll be able to raise even more money! :D If for some reason I happen to start making more than $3000 a month in proceeds (this is after half has already been sent to charity).. EVERYTHING over that $3000 mark will be sent to charity as well. There's no need for me to keep more than that amount each month! I don't need it. I have absolutely no desire to be amassing more than $40,000 a year.

Should all this take off and escape even my most wildest dreams to become a thriving empire in business......... O_O....... For one, I shall be deeply shocked... For two, I will then use my success as an example to the world as to how one should desire to live their life. Yes.. as much as I hate it.. we need to make money to survive in society today.. But that does not mean that should allow that need to rule over us and drive us into slaving away day and night for the better part of our adult lives! Money is simply a means to survive and function in the world today. It should not be the number one most important thing in our lives to the point where we throw everything else aside. At least.. that is my belief.

Anyway.. I guess I'm feeling rather contemplative today.. I keep righting down more and more stuff.. ke..ke.... Well~ Have a blessed time in life.. where ever you may be~^^

A little more about me...

Alright... I'm going to lay it all out on the line here....

I guess I'm beginning to see why all my relationships seem to crumble and fall apart.... it's not strictly the other person's fault... It's my own fault as well. *sigh* I'm not perfect.. no human is..... But I've come to realize that I expect far too much out of others, since I hold myself to a higher standard as well. Since I understand people so well, I expect people to simply understand me without me having to truly explaining myself fully and I have just as many faults as everyone else in this world..

As for my faults.. I'm judgmental, snobbish, and pretentious. I think I'm better than the average Jane & Joe.. yet I try to convince myself of otherwise. I'm hard, cold, and somewhat ruthless in my approach at times. I'm distrustful and easily lash out at people that I feel will betray me. I push EVERYONE away from me. I am so afraid of getting hurt again that the more I like someone, the more afraid of them I become and the more I fear that they will walk out on me... so I always keep people at arm's length and never let people get too close to me. I'm selfish, caniving, and self-centered. I always put myself before everyone and everything else.

In the past I wasn't like this... I was the opposite... but I had gotten hurt so many times because of my soft, sensitive heart that each time I rebounded.. I became more and more like the kind of person I just can't stand. All the things the world has shown me that people are.. All the things I hate about people..... I now have within myself. I may not show it all the time, but I see now that it's true. And it's no one else's fault I've become this way than my own. If I were a better person, I wouldn't have allowed such weakness and villiany to defile my heart. I would have remained strong and believed in myself.. continuing to give, love, and trust blindly as I always had.

But I guess that's my greatest fault of all.... I have absolutely no self-confidence. Or at least, I used to not have any... I couldn't believe in myself at all, no matter how much I tried..

But things are different now. I want to be that better person! I want to be able to give, love, and trust once more. So few people see the darkness in me... those that do don't hang around me for very long. However, I'm also wiser now than I was in the past.. I understand now that all things are both good & evil, light & darkness.. Nothing in existence is purely one or the other. NOTHING! All things are capable of both. And both are needed. You cannot have light without darkness nor can you have darkness without light...

Thus! I will continue forward as I have been. I will continue to strive towards balancing my two halves as a Libra & human should. The light that I hold in my heart I will allow to shine for all to see and the darkness in me shall become my shield, protecting me from those who would try to steal away that light. I will do all I can to try and limit my faults and expand upon my virtues. It's our mission in life, is it not? The ultimate goal that we are meant to strive towards until the end, right? Life is about living, learning, and growing.. and taking what we have learned before others, the gods, the stars, and the spirits of the otherworld so as to prove our worth. Those who fail in this mission of life are sent back until they have learned from their mistakes and learn to understand this fact of life.

I am no Christian. I'm no Catholic. No Muslim. Nor Buddhist. Or any other religious affiliation! & I'm no heathen either! I am simply a believer who listens to the quiet voices within her own heart and soul. For God & the Earth speak to us through our hearts, do they not? Those of us who are able to quiet their hearts and minds would know this. I believe in many things and I know that all religions have their purpose which is to try and help guide humanity towards the right course in life. But I do not believe that any one religion is right and that all the others are wrong.

I believe that there is some truth behind ALL religions! I believe that all religion has a common root! It is that commonality that I believe in.. It is that root that I am searching for.. The belief that unites all other beliefs into one common entity! I AM A BELIEVER!!! Nothing more and nothing less! And when I finally do find that commonality, that shred of truth from the original core of all belief and religion... I will do everything I can to share what I have found with the world!

All this petty squabbling over who is right and who is wrong, which religion is correct and which is false, who is righteous & holy and who is a bedamned heathen is nothing but a bunch of proposterious nonesense and I refuse to accept any of it! Thus, I refuse to align myself with any one religion within society. Ever! For none of them are wrong!

Each religion and individual belief is meant to help each of us grow and learn in our own way. They are as unique and important as any essential part of any given culture or personality. What gives ANYONE the right to say that any one religion is false!? Eh!? It's like people are saying someone's personality, culture, or heritage is false, rotten, or wrong! How stupid can you people get!? Are you saying that CENTURIES of heritage, learning, and culture are simply rubish and should be thrown out!? When are you ever going to learn!? 

 If we are unable to learn from each other and our own history, heritage, and culture.. then we will all simply continue making the same mistakes of the past on into eternity! Wake up already!! Can't you see that all this fighting is pointless and a mockery to the lives of those who came before us? All you're doing is wasting precious life... the greatest gift any living creature could ever be given! 

We could easily solve ALL the world's problems if we would simply put aside our petty differences and work together! Isn't that the power of human ingenuity? What in this world have we NOT been able to accomplish when we all came together to work towards it? NOT A DAMN THING!! 

 *heavy sigh* Why do I feel like I'm the only person who sees all this? =_=, 

 *heavy sigh & shakes head* Well... anyway... I guess I've said enough for today... Those of you who bother to read this.. contemplate it a bit. Ok?

Dream Retirement..

I've decided that I want either one of two things for my retirement. I either want a nice, quiet little farm out in the middle of nowhere near the ocean in a country with very few people or I will find myself a deserted little island somewhere in the Pacific and become a permanent Sea Gypsy, selling and trading my wares and fish. Whichever one I choose, I will have a small garden with a few fruit trees that are native to the area or at least won't harm the natural ecosystem; that way I can sell or trade the extra fruits & veggies for the things I may need.

If I have a small little farm somewhere, I will build my own house, by hand, and make it as self-sufficient as possible so I won't need to depend on anyone for the things I need. I will have an animal farm with goats for milk, chickens, and sheep for wool. I will learn how to spin thread and make my own fabric so that I won't ever have to buy anything I can just make it all myself with the wool from my own sheep. Any extra animals I happen to gain through procreation of my animals I will sell for extra cash. I'm thinking I want a hobbit style home where it is all built with thick and harden wood with a layer of soil and grass covering it. as if my home were simply a hollowed out hill~^^

If I go for some deserted island somewhere, I will build a whimsically shack that will be capable of surviving the ocean storms with hammock beds and a sandy floor. I may not have an animal farm in this case unless the island can support it without the animals harming the natural environment of the island. If not, then I will focus on my artwork and sell that to make money. I will write books and trade the seafood I catch for the supplies I need.

I'm still trying to decide which one I would like better. It's still pretty much 50/50. Once I start sailing in a year or two however, I will have a better idea of which one I might like best~^^

Been working hard..

I'm slowly getting my dream up off the ground.. it's a little rocky right now money wise, but otherwise things are going great! ^^ I've started my charity project for the two organizations I wish to support most. I've got my new camera and I'm heading to Jeju Island this weekend to take pictures. I should be able to get some nice images there!

Dreamstime has been rejecting my images as too common... which is a bit of a bummer.. but I'm not giving up just because of that! I can always sell the prints~^^ Then I get all the profit! My first charity project is already underway. I call the project the Tshirt Teddies Charity Project and the first project is JYJ Tshirt Teddies made from my JYJ Busan Concert T~^^ I'm already 75% done sewing the first of the 3 bears! I'll be able to have them all sewn before the stuffing even gets here. ;)

I can't seem to sleep tonight.. I've got so much on my mind. Stressed cuz of the money strain.. excited for the Jeju trip and the International Boat Show next week. but I think most of all I'm more flustered about the guy I've been talking to all month.... :"> He's funny, cute, charming, and a complete tease! He's constantly picking on me! But he also offers me really good and honest advice, supports me, and allows me to truly be myself. Course he picks on me for it... I'm a little older, so the other day he was calling me Granny.. pfft! lol!!! XD

Then just the other day he started flirting with me relentlessly. Next thing I know he says, "So you don't want to be important to me?" I was trying to get him to focus on his assignment that he had due in a couple of hours... I had told him that the assignment was far more important than me and that I could wait to chat with him later. Then he suddenly says THAT! O_O My jaw simply dropped... I felt like a dumbfounded deer in headlights staring forward blanking without comprehending a thing......

Ha! *shakes head* :) This boy.... he's really thrown me throw a loop. Well.. I'm trying not to think too much about it. We met online and have yet to meet each other in person.. but because of the other day, we spoke yesterday about maybe meeting in the future.. sometime around the start of the new year. Whether he flies here, or I fly there... we haven't decided yet, but who knows? Things may change. I'm not taking this too seriously. For once, I don't feel like I have to hang on his every word or that something is wrong when he doesn't respond. I'm not stressed over him, but he certainly makes me smile~^^

Every time my phone goes off now, I smile and immediately think it's him messaging me. Most of the time it is~^^ Sometimes it isn't.. but eh... He's had me smiling all month. That's really nice. & to not feel any pressure or anything... that's really nice. It's nice to have someone I can comfortably talk to without fear~^^ Anyway.. I'm feeling tired and peaceful finally.. I guess I will try to sleep now.. Good night everyone~

Meheheheheh!!! >;) Gotta love the way my mind works~

I thought of a way to have a completely FREE site for running my business through!! >:) Heh~ Well.. I guess I should call it a project.. its not a formal business per say. Just a place where I can showcase my art and accept requests through. Everything concerning Dream Ship will be available there! I decided not to go with a website, as I would be forced to pay for such a site monthly in order to keep it up and running after the first year. Also, it would cost me almost $20/month to make it an e-commerce site and that's too danged confusing for me. Thus, I have decided to simply make a new blog site in which to run Dream Ship through! ;)

Anything formally concerning Dream Ship shall be posted there from now on and this blog will simply be for my own personal musings and thoughts. I will still talk about Dream Ship here, but any official Dream Ship business or notices will be posted up under my Dream Ship blog. If you wish to check it out, here's the address: http://dssunnyfreedom.blogspot.com/

I do have a few images available on the blog now.. so I hope you will all visit~ 

Happy Hunting! ^v^ 

Keh.. Wow... How quickly life can change~

Wow... Everything that happens and everyone we meet... it is all for a reason. & I am damn glad that this boy Aaron messaged me. He's helped me to sort some things out that have been bothering me and has given me a new sense of direction. To think... a Singaporean was the one to help me feel pride in my heritage and country.

I have hated America and  the way things are in the world for most of my life. I have watched so much bs in the news and heard so much.. witnessed so much hated, greed, and negativity in this world and had become sickened by it. So much so that I was ready to simply turn my back on it all and say screw it! I still hate the way the world is today... but nothing will EVER get better if those people like myself who hate the world simply turn our backs against it.

If I don't like the way things are, then I should do what I can to change them. If I don't like my country's reputation within the world, then as an American I should work hard to try and change it. If I don't like how my country is, then as an American I should do my part to try and change it! For the very first time in my life, I finally understand the meaning of patriotism and having pride in one's country. I finally understand my duty.. what it is that I am mean to do in this world.

From now on.. no more bitching.. no more griping.. no more complaining! I will no longer sit back on the side lines and grumble about how horrible the game is nor how shitty the players are.. I am going to stand up and step onto the field myself and knock some heads together until things are straightened out more to my liking! Like I have always told myself and those around me.. "If you don't like your life, then change it!" Well.. now the same goes for the world..  If I don't like the world as it is, then I should do my part to try and change it!

If I don't.. then my children and grandchildren and great grandchildren will have to deal with the same shitty bs that I've had to deal with my whole life and there is no way in HELL that I am going to allow that! I swore.. I swore! That I would NEVER allow my children to go through what I have gone through! But in order to make sure that that doesn't happen.. I had better start working now in order to change the way things are!

Thank you Aaron.... I owe you one...... this is one thing I shall never forget!