Alright... I'm going to lay it all out on the line here....
I guess I'm beginning to see why all my relationships seem to crumble and fall apart.... it's not strictly the other person's fault... It's my own fault as well. *sigh* I'm not perfect.. no human is..... But I've come to realize that I expect far too much out of others, since I hold myself to a higher standard as well. Since I understand people so well, I expect people to simply understand me without me having to truly explaining myself fully and I have just as many faults as everyone else in this world..
As for my faults.. I'm judgmental, snobbish, and pretentious. I think I'm better than the average Jane & Joe.. yet I try to convince myself of otherwise. I'm hard, cold, and somewhat ruthless in my approach at times. I'm distrustful and easily lash out at people that I feel will betray me. I push EVERYONE away from me. I am so afraid of getting hurt again that the more I like someone, the more afraid of them I become and the more I fear that they will walk out on me... so I always keep people at arm's length and never let people get too close to me. I'm selfish, caniving, and self-centered. I always put myself before everyone and everything else.
In the past I wasn't like this... I was the opposite... but I had gotten hurt so many times because of my soft, sensitive heart that each time I rebounded.. I became more and more like the kind of person I just can't stand. All the things the world has shown me that people are.. All the things I hate about people..... I now have within myself. I may not show it all the time, but I see now that it's true. And it's no one else's fault I've become this way than my own. If I were a better person, I wouldn't have allowed such weakness and villiany to defile my heart. I would have remained strong and believed in myself.. continuing to give, love, and trust blindly as I always had.
But I guess that's my greatest fault of all.... I have absolutely no self-confidence. Or at least, I used to not have any... I couldn't believe in myself at all, no matter how much I tried..
But things are different now. I want to be that better person! I want to be able to give, love, and trust once more. So few people see the darkness in me... those that do don't hang around me for very long. However, I'm also wiser now than I was in the past.. I understand now that all things are both good & evil, light & darkness.. Nothing in existence is purely one or the other. NOTHING! All things are capable of both. And both are needed. You cannot have light without darkness nor can you have darkness without light...
Thus! I will continue forward as I have been. I will continue to strive towards balancing my two halves as a Libra & human should. The light that I hold in my heart I will allow to shine for all to see and the darkness in me shall become my shield, protecting me from those who would try to steal away that light. I will do all I can to try and limit my faults and expand upon my virtues. It's our mission in life, is it not? The ultimate goal that we are meant to strive towards until the end, right? Life is about living, learning, and growing.. and taking what we have learned before others, the gods, the stars, and the spirits of the otherworld so as to prove our worth. Those who fail in this mission of life are sent back until they have learned from their mistakes and learn to understand this fact of life.
I am no Christian. I'm no Catholic. No Muslim. Nor Buddhist. Or any other religious affiliation! & I'm no heathen either! I am simply a believer who listens to the quiet voices within her own heart and soul. For God & the Earth speak to us through our hearts, do they not? Those of us who are able to quiet their hearts and minds would know this. I believe in many things and I know that all religions have their purpose which is to try and help guide humanity towards the right course in life. But I do not believe that any one religion is right and that all the others are wrong.
I believe that there is some truth behind ALL religions! I believe that all religion has a common root! It is that commonality that I believe in.. It is that root that I am searching for.. The belief that unites all other beliefs into one common entity! I AM A BELIEVER!!! Nothing more and nothing less! And when I finally do find that commonality, that shred of truth from the original core of all belief and religion... I will do everything I can to share what I have found with the world!
All this petty squabbling over who is right and who is wrong, which religion is correct and which is false, who is righteous & holy and who is a bedamned heathen is nothing but a bunch of proposterious nonesense and I refuse to accept any of it! Thus, I refuse to align myself with any one religion within society. Ever! For none of them are wrong!
Each religion and individual belief is meant to help each of us grow and learn in our own way. They are as unique and important as any essential part of any given culture or personality. What gives ANYONE the right to say that any one religion is false!? Eh!? It's like people are saying someone's personality, culture, or heritage is false, rotten, or wrong! How stupid can you people get!? Are you saying that CENTURIES of heritage, learning, and culture are simply rubish and should be thrown out!? When are you ever going to learn!?
If we are unable to learn from each other and our own history, heritage, and culture.. then we will all simply continue making the same mistakes of the past on into eternity! Wake up already!! Can't you see that all this fighting is pointless and a mockery to the lives of those who came before us? All you're doing is wasting precious life... the greatest gift any living creature could ever be given!
We could easily solve ALL the world's problems if we would simply put aside our petty differences and work together! Isn't that the power of human ingenuity? What in this world have we NOT been able to accomplish when we all came together to work towards it? NOT A DAMN THING!!
*heavy sigh* Why do I feel like I'm the only person who sees all this? =_=,
*heavy sigh & shakes head* Well... anyway... I guess I've said enough for today... Those of you who bother to read this.. contemplate it a bit. Ok?
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