So...

I am slowly getting together the materials and knowledge I need to build a boat. I need to start getting together info on how to run my own business. I have my sailing books which I have been reading, little by little, but nothing beats first hand experience. So I will be gaining the bulk of my knowledge of sailing through crewing and internships when I get back to the states.

I have all kinds of ideas and thoughts on where to get my crafting supplies, so no worries there. I have a place I can get my wood from for my ship and I'm working on a more sound ship design. All I need is for a professional shipwright to look over the designs and tell me if it's doable.. or tweak the designs so they will be.

I have plenty of job opportunities in the states due to my education, experience, and connections, so I won't have too much difficulty finding a good job to fund the building of my dream. Now all I need is to get back, get started, and find myself some good, reliable nakama who want to join me in this venture. No one ever wants to go it alone.. but I will if I have to. I've always had to in the past, so I see no difference in this. I'm not afraid to be on my own.. I can take care of myself~ But it would be nice to have some nakama to share my dreams with...

I know! :D

I was considering my boat size dilemma.. and I suddenly thought of an alternative! :D

I could simply get a ship that's about half way in between those two sizes then have the best of both worlds! ^^ I should have thought of that sooner~ lol! Oh well~ So now I'll be considering some more options on boat sizes that are approximately 48ft in length. This size I can still rig to sail solo safely, but still have plenty of room to take on a 4-6 member crew with ease~^^ I'll keep you all posted on what I finally decide to get!

I love it when plans are fluid and nothing is set in stone~ It allows for endless possibilities until you are able to figure out EXACTLY what it is you want and what is best for you! ;)

Hrm... A hiccup..

I didn't consider the fact that parents would not be very willing to let their children sail off with a stranger for 2 weeks out on the open ocean... It's dangerous to say the least even if their parents are there. So I'm going to have to rethink the Dream Ship Children's Camp... Maybe I can simply make it a day camp and the parents are allowed to come along for the ride as well~ That could work.. Then I would be able to charge less and take on more people, as well as offer it far more often! I could anchor in a port and provide daily day camps where we sail out in the early morning, then return after sunset. That might work better and attract more families~^^ I will have to think about it some more..

Any dream worth having..

IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR!!

Striving for...

and working hard to make it into a reality..

I REALLY want to make a difference! I want to help the world.. I want to help the children.. If the bigger ship is the better way to do all that... then I need to just suck it up, push my way forward, and stop whining & groaning about the what ifs & consequences that come with it.

I truly want the big ship.. in my heart of hearts I long to build her with my own two hands and charge my way forward to making a difference in this wretched world we live in. I am very opinionated, though I do hide it 98% of the time.. there are very few people who know my true views of the world. That will be changing soon, however~

I want to write books. I want to be an example, someone's hero, an icon that young people can look up to and strive to be like. There's not enough people out there that they can look up to.. not in my opinion anyway. Too much war.. too much strife.. too much anger in the world...... but it is changing, if slowly~

Ok! Enough said on the subject! I've made my decision! & heaven help me to see it through to the end & remain steadfast & strong~

Ship size, Pros & Cons

Ok.. Time to look at the pros and cons of the two ships I'm wanting. Half the time I just want a small 35ft sailboat that I can crew solo.. the other half of the time I want a nice, big 69ft ship that would require a minimum crew of 4 others plus me.

SMALL CRAFT PROS:

• I can sail solo.
• I can escape the world whenever I wish.
• No one to worry about but myself when it comes to safety and supplies, which is easiest when it comes to money worries.
• I can go wherever I want to go, whenever I want to go there, without worrying about what others want to do.
• Can easily run under the radar of any gov't vessels and possible pirates, thus being able to avoid some situations that I'd like to avoid.
• It's a LOT cheaper and I can start sailing a LOT sooner than I'd be able to in trying to build a big ship.
• With only myself, I don't have to worry about anyone else's comfort but my own.
• A smaller business is far easier to run and there's less to worry about. 
• On my own I can volunteer my time and vessel for any deed I deem worthy without having to worry about gaining the consent of the crew like on a bigger vessel.
• No hassles, no fuss.

SMALL CRAFT CONS:

• Lonely and more dangerous for my own personal safety in regards to having run-ins with scum.
• Not as safe as a larger boat on the ocean with others around to help out with things.
• Craft is less stable and making ocean voyages is more risky.
• Less room.. thus harder to have a nice lifeboat on board in case of emergencies.
• Less space for a garden for fresh veggies and fruits, for solar panels and wind turbines for energy, for storage and running my business.
• Less able to enact change and reach the people whose lives I hope to change and make better.

LARGE SHIP PROS:

• More room for everything.
• Able to have separate cabins for crew members which would provide more comfort and ease of mind.
• More stable and sea worthy for the long treks across vast oceans.
• I can take people with me and have company as I sail.
• A bigger ship is more likely to attract attention and business than a smaller ship.
• The ship I want to build will be very unique and beautiful, thus more able to attract customers for my business.
• It's a better investment for my money and I can build it as I wish.. to my specifications
• Better able to make a statement and enact change with a ship that's more readily noticeable and recognizable than a small ship that would probably go unnoticed completely.

LARGE SHIP CONS:

• A large ship REQUIRES a crew to be able to sail.
• I am less able to get away from everyone and everything with the restrictions and responsibilities that come with captaining a large ship.
• Less likely to be able to run under the radar of gov't vessels and possible pirates, thus less able to avoid certain situations.
• I go from having the pure freedom of sailing to having to deal more with the bureaucracy of the world.
• Will take a lot longer to obtain and cost a lot more money, be harder to upkeep
• The bigger business will be harder to run and keep afloat is things go south.
• LOTS of hassle, LOTS of fuss.

Maybe.. I can do both? Dry dock the larger vessel when I wish to escape on my own and switch when I want to get back to my bigger project of helping others. But that would cost a fortune... which I don't have. Although.. I can still enact change in a smaller ship.. sometimes smaller ripples have a better effect on the world around them than trying to make a giant splash and huge waves. People don't like change to come sudden and fast like a raging storm.. People prefer the gentle, passive passage of time with minor changes that come like the changing of the tide.

I don't know!!!!!! I could REALLY use some input on this one.... this is when having friends & family to bounce ideas off of comes in handy and can make a huge difference. It is also DEEPLY appreciated and I like constructive criticism. I consider all sides of an issue and sometimes I need an outsider's view to pick out things I may have missed.

Anyone with a comment, experience, or simply wishing to put in their two cents worth.. please comment~ Thanks!

Such a fickle heart..

*sigh*

One day I want to take my time and build myself a nice boat, gather a crew of nakama, and sail the seas to make the world a better place.. A few days later I just want to get a small boat for myself, take to the seas alone, and forget the rest of the world......

One day I care so much about everyone around me and want to help them.. the next I can't stand people and simply wish to be left alone to my own thoughts & devices......

Maybe I'm bi-polar? Just not the extreme type where my mood swings wildly in a single day, but where my mood swings slowly from one extreme to another.. Maybe it's because I'm a Libra? Or maybe it's just because I'm a woman and these things are natural...? I don't know anymore..

At least one thing remains constant.. I want to have a boat and sail the world's oceans. As a sailor, I can spend time with people when I wish and leave them behind when I wish to be left alone. Maybe I'd be better off with a small ship and sailing solo... I don't know today...

I hate the way I am sometimes.. my fickleness and not always knowing exactly what I want. If I held Captain Jack Sparrow's compass right now, it'd be spinning wildly without any direction to point in. But then again.. once I voice my feelings and concerns.. things change and I begin to find my direction again~

*chuckles & sighs*

Oh well.. it's just a function of the day~ I'll get over it~^^

Ok.. ^^

I suddenly really wanted to write in my blog.. so I am~^^

I'm so excited about my dream! It's more and more plausible each and every day as I do more and more research into what needs to be done and the possible job opportunities that would come with it! With spring fast approaching, my spirits have begun to soar and my vision is becoming more fine tuned with every passing moment.

I'm figuring out what it is I truly want, where I want to go with this dream of mine, and how I wish to use my dream to help others find dreams of their own. I think I may have found a man who would be willing to join me in this venture.... but if not, I will completely understand and he and I will still be the best of friends. I will DEFINITELY be making Portland my port of birth when I finally have my ship, or at least my second home~^^

I truly love the Caribbean... and I will want to sail her seas often. I also love the Pacific Islands & Australia.. so I will wish to sail there often as well. The OCEAN the be my home! Not one particular part of the ocean, but ALL the world's oceans! The ocean is the only part of the world that hasn't been chopped up and walled off like the land has been. Yes, there may be blockades of ships... but for a simple sailor and tourist, most of those blockades won't apply to me.

There are SO many possibilities! I'm planning to have ~$15,000 saved up by the end of the year. That will require me to not do a single thing and simply sit at home all the time, but I am willing to make the sacrifice in order to get the ship I want. Actually, that money will simply be a down payment! I have designed a beautiful 69' vessel with plenty of space and fully powered by green energy and that's the ship I wish to have!

It will take some time, but that's okay. I'm more open to using different building materials now to make her cheaper and lighter, thus easier to build and sail. I have the perfect place to work on her, too~^^ So long as I can get me a trailer to haul her to the sea once she is finished. Oh... I'll need a truck... yuck.. XP Ah! I'll borrow a family member's truck or a friend's! That'll work! ^^ I don't need to own a truck, just the trailer. I can borrow a truck whenever I need to pull her out of the water for repairs or dry-docking. ^^

I love my ingenuity! :D

Anyway! I'm not giving up! In fact... I'm even more pumped now than I was before! NO ONE is going to take away my dreams nor my determination! >:)

Still want to make a difference..

As much as people drive me crazy and infuriate me a lot of the time... I still want to make a difference. I still want to make the world a better place. It's the adults and so-called rulers of this world that I cannot stand... and it's the children whom I want to affect change in.

I view most adults as lost causes.. stuck in their ways.. they won't want change. But the children do! The children are so full of dreams and desires.. things they wish to see happen in this world. The children are innocent and pure.. I want to help them make the right choices before the scum of society taints their gentle hearts.

I want to do so much.. but can I really make that much of a difference? Also.. who am I to say I am better than the rest of the people out there who are trying to reach the children? There are so many programs out there that are trying to make a difference and I support many of them. They provide food, shelter, a talent, a means to make a living, necessities, medical care, etc.. But is there any that can give the children dreams? Dreams beyond what is currently available to them in the world today?

I keep thinking about my Dream Ship program that I want to start... I don't want to give it up! I really feel I could make a difference with it.. I guess I can start off small. A small ship with a small crew and only a few children. If the camp takes off, then I can get a bigger boat in time.

I want to change the world... But am I too late?

Huh..... alright..

So Dreamstime rejected all my photos for one reason or another. Apparently a small time photographer with no professional training isn't able to sell their work to a big stock photography site; they'll simply reject it.

So! I've decided that I'm simply going to sell my photos privately as postcards. The photos I have now are only good at a small size anyway. I knew that from the get go.. so I'm going to print them and sell them as postcards. I'll have to get Photoshop thou.. XP I need some of the features that Photoshop has that Artweaver doesn't so I can make the photos look like professional postcards.

I am NOT giving up! So some professional site doesn't think my work is good enough.. screw them! All my friends want to buy my work and have been waiting for it to post to the site, even though I offered it to them for free~ That's reason enough for me to keep trying.

And I think I will invest in a nice camera... I like taking photos.. I don't like MY photo taken as the camera always makes me look fat! But I love taking landscape, wildlife, and sunset shots.. I will keep pushing forward and start my own postcard business or something~^^

Back to my business venture..

It's still in the works, but I'm still working on it. TY Boo for giving me time to regain my perspective! I was about ready to just forget the whole idea.. lol~ not really, but it had been pushed to the back burner a bit. >_< Opps.....

Ok! I'm still reading my books. I am STILL going home when my contract is up to either buy a project boat and fix it up or build a boat. I will also be doing a couple sailing internships to gain experience. I want to get my concealed weapons permit and a captain's license. I also want to get my business up and running. (I sure hope boo will join me after he's finished his tour here.. but if not, I understand.....)

I will get a 30 - 60ft boat, depending on how many crew members I have committed by the time I go to purchase the boat. If there's no one committed to it, then I will settle for a smaller boat. No need to go extravagant for just myself. Not only that, a bigger boat requires more hands to sail it and if I'm alone I won't be able to handle a big boat.

I'm looking through the classifieds and eBay Motors for a good project that isn't too far away from my mom, so that she can pick it up for me. I will, hopefully, be staying at my grandparents' house when I move back to the states as they have a big house and yard which would be perfect for me to work on a boat in. Plus, they are aging and I want to be there with them. I will prolly get a night time job somewhere. Maybe bar-tending~ Great tips! ;D

We'll see~ My focus? My future business! I really like my man.... but if I really want him to like me for me, I can't change who I am for him. I have to keep moving forward with the plans I've had for the past few months and build a future for myself.. because... just as he has told me.. nothing is guaranteed to last.... Better to get my life in order and focus on that, than to focus on a relationship that isn't guaranteed... & NO relationship is EVER guaranteed!

Wish me luck~^^

Okay.. so..

So this St. Paddy's Day is going to be just like any other has been in my life. My boyfriend and I discussed it and decided we didn't have the money to blow on something like that; we are both trying to save for our separate reasons. But I still have to go to Seoul for an eye appointment with the LASIK Doc. One last check up at 2:30p.. so I'll be going alone to do that, which is fine~

I've come to realize that I need some distance in a relationship at first to prevent myself from becoming blinded by emotion. Not a lot of distance.. just a good amount of time to myself to think things over and keep things in perspective. & luckily for me, he understands that and is far better at making the right choice for me than I am.

I don't want to fall for the idea of him.. I want to fall for HIM... for who he is... exactly as he is.. Anything else would be a farce and would only end up with myself or both of us getting hurt. I don't want that........ TT^TT

I realize now that that was the mistake I had made in all my past relationships. I allowed myself to become blinded by emotion and fell far too quickly and too deeply for a guy before I even really knew who he was. Then, when I was finally able to see him for who he was... I hated myself for having become so blind and making such a choice. This time.... I won't let that happen.

Thankfully, he wishes for the same. He said something last night that simply blew me away... "I always pretend like it's not going to last, so that I continue to work hard in order to make it last. Once you assume that a relationship will last, you don't do the things you'd do otherwise or you keep working at it even when it's way beyond obvious that the relationship is over and that only causes problems." It got me thinking about how I've approached relationships in the past and made me realize why every relationship ended up souring in the end. I had assumed that the relationship would last and was working my butt off to make sure it did, even though my heart was screaming at me for being an idiot.

This time.. things will be different. I'm adopting a new mindset. I'm going to work hard to try and make things last without assuming anything. In my heart.. I feel..... well.. I don't want to say it just yet. Our relationship has only just begun and I don't want to mess this one up. Not because I don't want to get hurt again nor because I don't want to be alone. I'm okay with being alone and have even accepted that eventual fact of life. But because I'm starting to see him, I think.. for who he is... and if the man I'm beginning to see is the man he truly is... I sure as hell don't want to let him go.

He's a good man with a strong and loving heart who truly understands me. The mere fact that he seems to understand me for who I am is reason enough for me to want him around. No one has ever truly understood me. He can tell me how I'm feeling almost exactly without me even having to say a word. How many people in the world can claim that someone in their life is able to understand them like that? lol~ Prolly more than I think... XP

Now, I don't want anyone to think that I've become twitterpated by him. I'm merely saying he has my attention & I want to see where this may lead... I do know that I never want to see him walk out of my life. Whether we end up as friends or (hopefully) more... I know now that he is someone I can always count on to do what is right, even if it's an extremely difficult thing to do. Thank you.................

This upcoming holiday..

St. Patty's Day is right around the corner. I wasn't going to even bother celebrating it, but I've been invited out to a huge festival that's going to be held in Seoul. That.. and my new boyfriend really wants me to go to it with him.

I still can't believe I have a boyfriend now. It just doesn't feel like it. But he is sweet, funny, understanding, and giving... all the things I've been looking for. For the first time, I have a man that not only wants to get to know me completely for who I am with no delusions or games.. but actually truly understands me! No one has EVER understood me! Not even my own family!

I can't hide anything from him, because he can see it in my eyes. Which anyone should have noticed that fact, but no one has ever really taken the time to do so. He knows exactly what to do to comfort me, make me smile, even make me laugh. We both like the same things.. and even hate the same things. It all just seems so unreal.

We'll see.... I'm trying not to have any expectations and I'm also trying to keep from falling in too deeply, too quickly. I CANNOT get hurt again.... I just can't........ It'd destroy me............... But he seems to know this and understand it. He's trying hard not to push things and let me take my time. He's told me that this is hard for him too, because he has been hurt as well. He even came to Korea because he just had to get away from it all. He just never expected to run into a girl like me.. nor did I ever expect to run into a guy like him. I had even settled for spending the rest of my life alone and was perfectly fine with the idea. It's all just so perfectly random and unexpected that neither of us really know what to make of it..... keh~

So... this St. Patty's Day will be the first I ever actually celebrated and partied for. Only because he wants to spend the time with me and take me to the festival. I will try to post pictures and a blog about the party. It should be fun~^^ Wish me luck in this... I'm gonna need it.......

You know....

I've always kind of wanted to own a small farm in Ireland or some place near the ocean with wide open pastures~

I love animals and farming is a good, respectable career and pastime... but the chances of this ever happening? pft.. With the expenses of buying and owning land.. the costs of buying owning and caring for livestock.. and then having to build a house and stay in one spot for the rest of my life??? *sigh*

I don't think so.. It may seem like a nice idea at times, but when I really think about all that goes into such a life I just groan. I may consider it for my retirement should I happen to amass enough money for such a life or marry a man who already has such a farm or said funds... but it's merely a nice idea at this point... nothing more.

I've taken the first step..

I found a stock photography site online where I can easily upload my photos and receive a decent rate of income from the sale of any of my photos. I have about 2,000 photos on my computer alone from the past 3 years; and that's not including all the photos that got wiped from my computer by accident.

Give me a camera and a good venue to photo and I will crank out hundreds of photos easily within a few hours. I only have a tiny 5x Fujifilm Finepix Z80 camera at the moment, but many of pictures I've taken with it have gotten high praise and remarks from friends, family, and even perfect strangers. So I've uploaded some of my very best and hope to get some kind of feedback within a few days. I'm only allowed to upload 140 photos a week and it takes up to 3 days to process the photos and make them available on the site. If the photos I've posted to Dreamstime.com are approved, then they will become available for the general public to purchase. I'm even given my own profile through the site:

http://www.dreamstime.com/Hopesmelody_info ~

If all goes well and my photos sell, then I will finally invest in the digital SLR I've been wanting as I will then have a very good reason to spend the money on it. Also, the camera is cheaper here in Korea than in America. I may even order it online~

I sure hope this works out.. if it does........... I will be SO unbelievably happy and proud! I've never had a whole lot of confidence in my artistic abilities as I know of hundreds of other people with better artist talent than myself, but having people buy my photos from a cheap little camera would make me feel I could really do a lot with my talents. ^^

Wish me luck!! :D

My future business..

It will be two fold~

I will have a sailing services business providing day cruises, transportation & delivery of people and packages at a reduced cost, salvage, repair, & even fishing charters~^^ Any and all services available via a sailboat, I will provide for those around me.

The other half of my business will be an online and straight off the ship arts & crafts business. I will sell photography online and sell my handmade crafts both online and from my ship. Photography would be hard to sell from my ship as I wouldn't have the ability to print.. much less print large prints for framing and selling. Now my best selling photos online I will then go and find a print shop and have them printed professionally in varying sizes that I would then provide from my ship, but only my best sellers.

The challenge? Finding someone to host my website for a decent price who would also handle the printing of my art. Or maybe I could just sell digital copies to art dealers and let them deal with the rest of it. But then I'm not quite sure how that works... I don't know.. guess it's just one more thing that I will have to research~

My hope...

My hope... is that one day the world might be different.. that the people will no longer fight.. and that love will resound all throughout the world...

I want to break down the borders that separate us. I wish I could explain it.. but I feel as if this is my mission in life; the mission given to me by Our Heavenly Father. He is pained by seeing us all fighting among ourselves.. Are we really so different?

We all feel, we all love, we all bleed when we are hurt.. and that blood is always red.. no matter the color of the person's skin. I want to take away these silly labels we have all placed upon ourselves and others. Even the labels we have placed on Him.. God, Allah, Jehovah... no matter what we call Him, He is still the same! So why must we fight among ourselves over what name we have given him?

*sigh* I just wish people could see Him as I do and understand His will as I do. He has given us all so much and only wishes for us all to live happy lives. Even those who do not believe, He understands that they do not need him.. and as long as they are happy in their lives and helping those around them, He doesn't mind. EVERY FATHER knows and understands that one day His children might not need Him as they once did. & Our Heavenly Father is no different~

He is the ultimate definition of Love & Forgiveness. He only wishes us a life of Happiness & Joy. A life filled with Love, Hope, & Good Will to all the world around us. I hope that one day... the rest of His children, my great extended family which has become spread throughout the world, will come to see and understand this as I do.. and stop hurting themselves and those around them......

Liking my modified plan~^^

You know.. I really don't care about money... and if I'm not making money, I don't have to pay taxes. If I'm volunteering all the time, then there's no obligation! I can choose my own schedule, where I want to help, what I wish to do to help, everything! Then I can still do my own handicraft business for a little side money for food and in between volunteer jobs~^^

The only thing I'd ask for is food~^^ Working for my meals sounds like a fine deal to me! :D I'd have my ship which would double as my home and office, as well as my mode of transportation. I could go anywhere I want to go and few could stop me. Of course, I shall be avoiding those areas which are currently in turmoil.... but I really think I like this a bit better~^^

One place, one heart, one child at a time. That's all it takes to start making a difference~^^

Taking a step back..

I've come to realize that I need to take a step back and slow down a bit. I'm trying to do too much, way too quickly and it's making it all seem near impossible to do at all. So, I'm taking a step back. One step at a time.. I have so many big dreams and so much I want to do in this life that I keep coming up with more and more ideas. But I need to remind myself sometimes to just take things a bit more slowly. "The world wasn't conquered in a day" Nor could the world ever be conquered even if I had my entire lifetime to do it.


So, I have decided to go back to the root and core of my dream. Start off with a simple, small ship and work my way up. I'm a bit impatient in this it seems and I don't want to wait for 4 or 5 years before taking to the sea. I want to go right now! But I have to fulfill my obligations here in Korea first. But as soon as I get back to the states, I'm going to buy a small ship (approximate 30ft) and get started on my dream right away. I have a friend in Haiti who could use some help, so maybe I'll sail down and help him for a while with the orphanage he's trying to build and get set up.


I will also get back to my field of interest; environmental studies and preservation. I want to get back to preserving the land and the natural resources we have. I've found that caring a lot about the things I can't control does nothing but get me upset and depressed. So I'm going to forget the world's problems for a while and focus on my own. Get back to my roots and taking care of my own needs. It's not that I don't care! In fact, it's the exact opposite! I care sooo much that it affects my daily life and causes me to lose focus on what's really important. My own life and what I can do right now.


So that's that.... I'm going back to the simple plan of going off on my own in my own little ship with little to no crew. I'm going to live on the sea by myself for a while and travel until I can get my head around what it is I actually need to do to make a difference in this world. I've decided that eventually I will write books. I have several topics in mind for books I wish to write. I also know that I want to help others and the children. I want to break down borders and put an end to all the fighting and hatred that plagues our world.


I just hope that I can find a way to do all that and be able to make a difference....