Okay.. so..

So this St. Paddy's Day is going to be just like any other has been in my life. My boyfriend and I discussed it and decided we didn't have the money to blow on something like that; we are both trying to save for our separate reasons. But I still have to go to Seoul for an eye appointment with the LASIK Doc. One last check up at 2:30p.. so I'll be going alone to do that, which is fine~

I've come to realize that I need some distance in a relationship at first to prevent myself from becoming blinded by emotion. Not a lot of distance.. just a good amount of time to myself to think things over and keep things in perspective. & luckily for me, he understands that and is far better at making the right choice for me than I am.

I don't want to fall for the idea of him.. I want to fall for HIM... for who he is... exactly as he is.. Anything else would be a farce and would only end up with myself or both of us getting hurt. I don't want that........ TT^TT

I realize now that that was the mistake I had made in all my past relationships. I allowed myself to become blinded by emotion and fell far too quickly and too deeply for a guy before I even really knew who he was. Then, when I was finally able to see him for who he was... I hated myself for having become so blind and making such a choice. This time.... I won't let that happen.

Thankfully, he wishes for the same. He said something last night that simply blew me away... "I always pretend like it's not going to last, so that I continue to work hard in order to make it last. Once you assume that a relationship will last, you don't do the things you'd do otherwise or you keep working at it even when it's way beyond obvious that the relationship is over and that only causes problems." It got me thinking about how I've approached relationships in the past and made me realize why every relationship ended up souring in the end. I had assumed that the relationship would last and was working my butt off to make sure it did, even though my heart was screaming at me for being an idiot.

This time.. things will be different. I'm adopting a new mindset. I'm going to work hard to try and make things last without assuming anything. In my heart.. I feel..... well.. I don't want to say it just yet. Our relationship has only just begun and I don't want to mess this one up. Not because I don't want to get hurt again nor because I don't want to be alone. I'm okay with being alone and have even accepted that eventual fact of life. But because I'm starting to see him, I think.. for who he is... and if the man I'm beginning to see is the man he truly is... I sure as hell don't want to let him go.

He's a good man with a strong and loving heart who truly understands me. The mere fact that he seems to understand me for who I am is reason enough for me to want him around. No one has ever truly understood me. He can tell me how I'm feeling almost exactly without me even having to say a word. How many people in the world can claim that someone in their life is able to understand them like that? lol~ Prolly more than I think... XP

Now, I don't want anyone to think that I've become twitterpated by him. I'm merely saying he has my attention & I want to see where this may lead... I do know that I never want to see him walk out of my life. Whether we end up as friends or (hopefully) more... I know now that he is someone I can always count on to do what is right, even if it's an extremely difficult thing to do. Thank you.................