Craft Supplier found~^^

So! I've made myself another connection~ ;) This time with a bead supplier. Anything I might need to make bead crafts, she has and is willing to supply me with the things I need. I just ordered a bunch of silk threads from her in 23 different colors for weaving and braiding accessories. I have a few beads at home, though I'm not sure of all the different colors I may still have, so I will hold off on ordering any beads from her at this time. However, before I set sail, I will make sure I have a decent supply of many multi-colored beads in order to support my crafts business while I'm at sea.

I'm making progress~^^ A few connections here.. a few there~ Everything is slowly coming together! I'm so happy that I'm able to keep moving forward with my dreams......... (-^v^-) v

Thank you everyone~ *huggles & snuggles* Love you!

Self-Defense on the ship..

I'm no naive little girl here.. I know that what I'm wanting to do will be quite dangerous. The world isn't a very safe place anymore.. Especially for Americans and little women like me. SO I am not going out there unarmed nor unprepared. I already have a small arsenal I'm putting together for defense on and off the ship~

I am going to obtain my concealed weapons permit and carry a small pistol on my person at all times. I also just ordered two very nice close-combat trench knives to carry as well. On the ship, I will have my katana and possibly a rifle.. depending on whether or not I can find a rifle at a decent price. This is just for myself...

Some of my crew may carry weapons of their own. I know one of my members is pretty decent with a compound bow and has his own knife collection. The others.. I'm not sure..... But I will suggest that they also have something for self-defense as well. 

There are places in the world where pirates roam and an American ship will be a probable target for many of them as they assume Americans have money and many of them hate Americans. Of course, I am in no way going to fly an American flag on my ship! That'd be like flying a huge target over my ship and screaming KILL ME, PLEASE!!! Not only that.. half my crew so far is from other countries~ I'm not going to fly a country flag when we are all from different countries. No. I'm simply going to fly our own flag and no other.

If anyone should be brash enough to attack us or our ship, they had better be prepared for us to fight back. None of them thugs out there better take us lightly... or else they WILL get burned! No one is going to hurt myself or my crew and get away with it! If they even dare try.. they're going to have to answer to ME!!! >:(

Katy Perry's FIREWORK!! :D

I am LOVING!!! this new song!! :D Check out it out for yourself! :D

"Firework"

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,

Drifting through the wind

Wanting to start again?

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin

Like a house of cards,

One blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?

6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you

'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine

Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"

As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colours burst

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"

You're gonna leave 'em all in "awe, awe, awe"

You don't have to feel like a wasted space

You're original, cannot be replaced

If you only knew what the future holds

After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed

So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow

And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine

Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"

As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colours burst

Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"

You're gonna leave 'em all in "awe, awe, awe"

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

It's always been inside of you, you, you

And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough

'Cause baby you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"

As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colours burst

Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"

You're gonna leave 'em all in "awe, awe, awe"

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Monkey D Luffy~ >:)

An amazing man to behold, certainly!

So what he's just a manga/cartoon character! I don't care! He's still the best! >:)

He's a pirate, an outlaw, and the gov't wants him dead... but he doesn't care! He merely wants to live a life of freedom and adventure! Just like myself in fact~ ;)

He travels the world making friends and gathering a crew of nakama that always fight for what is right, even if it goes against the law. They don't care what anyone thinks of them, yet they continually make new friends. Yes they fight and probably kill the people that come after them, like the marines.. But they don't go around looking for a fight, nor do they go around hurting innocent people. Normally they try to get away without a fight or without hurting their pursuers more than is necessary to get away. In fact! They go around HELPING people! They helped a princess save her country from a bad pirate. They helped save a town mayor from the gov't's secret organization that tried to kill him because he didn't want to give the gov't blueprints for some powerful weapon. They saved their friend Robin from that very same secret organization and completely destroyed a gov't island in the process trying to save her and another man who had been taken by the organization.

Even though they are pirates and labelled as bad guys by the gov't, regular people all around the world still love them because they always try to help those in need. They even picked a fight with the world gov't's royals when the royals tried to kill a friend of theirs and take another friend as a slave. The royals are horrible, greedy people that just take whatever they want and kill whoever gets in their way.. and what's worse is that the entire world LETS THEM!! But not Luffy and the gang~ He kicks their arse!

So! No matter what happens in the future.. I'm going to be like Luffy and follow my heart, doing what I believe to be right and good for the world around me. If the gov't labels me a criminal and comes for my head, so be it! I don't care! I will continue to follow my heart and live the life I've always dreamed of! Besides... can they really label me a criminal if I am simply trying to help those around me live better, happier lives? I'm no murderer, no terrorist, nor a monster. I am absolutely NOT going to go around killing people! I ABHOR bloodshed and killing! It makes me sick to my stomach! So no! Instead, I just want to live free and help the people around me without worrying over what other people expect out of me. Why can't we all just be free to be who we want to be?

If I could find enough people..

If enough people said they wanted to join me as I sail around the world.. I could take up a small collection and build an even bigger ship than the one I have planned~ ;) But so far.. I only have 1 committed crew mate and 1 possible.. and 1 other who has said they would like to join when they finish college in a few years. As much as I'd love to have myself a beautiful 60ft gaff-rigged sloop or Arab Dhow.. I don't have the $700,000 it would take to build one. :(

But that may change in the future.. we shall see~

A poem~

Music to me is everything,
It is the key to life.
So every day I want to sing,
& put an end to strife.
-A. Fox

Phew...

I am so worn out. I'm going to have to work on my health if I want to keep up with all these projects I've got going. The trip to Jeju was fun, but I've yet to post the images from the trip. Having to go through and process 877 images is quite a task.. and most aren't even worth posting. I'm starting to get the hang of photography though.. I'm starting to figure out what's a good image and what isn't. So, it's all worth it.

The JYJ Tshirt Teddies are steadily coming along. I just received my filler order and now I'm waiting on the button eyes. The first bear is nearly complete.. in fact, I can't do much more with it until I receive the button eyes in the mail. So, I'll start working on the 2nd bear this weekend.

Also this weekend, I have the International Boat Show and the boat race! So I'm gonna be quite busy~^^ But I wouldn't have it any other way. I go crazy from boredom if I've got nothing constructive to do. I hate sitting at a desk doing paperwork that won't get me anywhere but will appease the boss. Give me an overwhelming schedule of constructive tasks to do any day over sitting at a desk and "keeping busy".... XP

I hope I can find a few other crazy people like myself out there! Keh~ ;] Let's tear it up & have some fun, eh!? If you're interested, just let me know~ D.S.SunnyFreedom@gmail.com

This coming weekend! :D

This weekend is the International Boat Show in Hwaseong.. and a friend got me a free Exhibitor's Pass to the show!! :D It started today and will end on Sunday. I will be going Saturday and Sunday to the show. The best part is.. Saturday and Sunday is when the Semi-final and Final races for the Korean World Cup is going to be held!!! XD KYAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

I get to see the final races for the sailboats this year! I am SOOO taking my camera! What artist could possibly miss this perfect opportunity for some great images!? I am so unbelievably excited its CRAZY! Jeju was fun... but the boat show is sure to be a BLAST! I can't believe the guy was nice enough to get me a pass even though I told him that I am unable to afford the price he wanted to charge me for drawing up designs for my ship.

Thank the Lord and my blessed lucky stars for that one! TTvTT

Anyway! I'm steadily moving closer to my dream! Maybe I'll even be able to find some Nakama at the show! :D Kya!! XD Everybody!! FIGHTING!!!! LIVE YOUR DREAMS!!

Alright.. business logistics.. goals.. and hopes..

I've been doing some math and thinking. Seems I'll be able to make 10 - 15 Tshirt Teddies every month once I get everything up and running and I've settled into a routine with my new art business. It's a little hard to do that now since I'm working a full-time job. But once I'm able to concentrate fulling on Dream Ship, I'll be able to make a bear every 2 - 3 days; which means approximately 10 - 15 bears a month and ~$200 in donations for UNAIDS or WWF.

Besides bears, I'll also be making many other things; like accessories, jewelry, bags, other stuffed critters, and even altering old clothes for resale. There is also my photography and selling the prints. I'm hoping to be able to make a minimum of ~$500 a month. Once I have my ship, which will also be my home, office, and studio.. I should be able to survive off of that much at least. I've done it before, I can easily do it again. Over time, I hope to make a little bit more for every penny I make an equal amount of money will go towards raising money for the many charities I support.

As you know, half of my proceeds from Tshirt Teddies will be going to UNAIDS or WWF.. but I also wish to raise money for Heifer International, World Vision, and several others. With half of all the money I make goes to charity, then I will feel like a very rich and incredible person~^^ For as I've told many of my friends.. I don't care about money or being rich. I just want to make a difference!

I will also start writing books soon. I have the talent I've been told on many an occasion. I've just never really utilized it. So if I can get published and my books sell.. then I'll be able to raise even more money! :D If for some reason I happen to start making more than $3000 a month in proceeds (this is after half has already been sent to charity).. EVERYTHING over that $3000 mark will be sent to charity as well. There's no need for me to keep more than that amount each month! I don't need it. I have absolutely no desire to be amassing more than $40,000 a year.

Should all this take off and escape even my most wildest dreams to become a thriving empire in business......... O_O....... For one, I shall be deeply shocked... For two, I will then use my success as an example to the world as to how one should desire to live their life. Yes.. as much as I hate it.. we need to make money to survive in society today.. But that does not mean that should allow that need to rule over us and drive us into slaving away day and night for the better part of our adult lives! Money is simply a means to survive and function in the world today. It should not be the number one most important thing in our lives to the point where we throw everything else aside. At least.. that is my belief.

Anyway.. I guess I'm feeling rather contemplative today.. I keep righting down more and more stuff.. ke..ke.... Well~ Have a blessed time in life.. where ever you may be~^^

A little more about me...

Alright... I'm going to lay it all out on the line here....

I guess I'm beginning to see why all my relationships seem to crumble and fall apart.... it's not strictly the other person's fault... It's my own fault as well. *sigh* I'm not perfect.. no human is..... But I've come to realize that I expect far too much out of others, since I hold myself to a higher standard as well. Since I understand people so well, I expect people to simply understand me without me having to truly explaining myself fully and I have just as many faults as everyone else in this world..

As for my faults.. I'm judgmental, snobbish, and pretentious. I think I'm better than the average Jane & Joe.. yet I try to convince myself of otherwise. I'm hard, cold, and somewhat ruthless in my approach at times. I'm distrustful and easily lash out at people that I feel will betray me. I push EVERYONE away from me. I am so afraid of getting hurt again that the more I like someone, the more afraid of them I become and the more I fear that they will walk out on me... so I always keep people at arm's length and never let people get too close to me. I'm selfish, caniving, and self-centered. I always put myself before everyone and everything else.

In the past I wasn't like this... I was the opposite... but I had gotten hurt so many times because of my soft, sensitive heart that each time I rebounded.. I became more and more like the kind of person I just can't stand. All the things the world has shown me that people are.. All the things I hate about people..... I now have within myself. I may not show it all the time, but I see now that it's true. And it's no one else's fault I've become this way than my own. If I were a better person, I wouldn't have allowed such weakness and villiany to defile my heart. I would have remained strong and believed in myself.. continuing to give, love, and trust blindly as I always had.

But I guess that's my greatest fault of all.... I have absolutely no self-confidence. Or at least, I used to not have any... I couldn't believe in myself at all, no matter how much I tried..

But things are different now. I want to be that better person! I want to be able to give, love, and trust once more. So few people see the darkness in me... those that do don't hang around me for very long. However, I'm also wiser now than I was in the past.. I understand now that all things are both good & evil, light & darkness.. Nothing in existence is purely one or the other. NOTHING! All things are capable of both. And both are needed. You cannot have light without darkness nor can you have darkness without light...

Thus! I will continue forward as I have been. I will continue to strive towards balancing my two halves as a Libra & human should. The light that I hold in my heart I will allow to shine for all to see and the darkness in me shall become my shield, protecting me from those who would try to steal away that light. I will do all I can to try and limit my faults and expand upon my virtues. It's our mission in life, is it not? The ultimate goal that we are meant to strive towards until the end, right? Life is about living, learning, and growing.. and taking what we have learned before others, the gods, the stars, and the spirits of the otherworld so as to prove our worth. Those who fail in this mission of life are sent back until they have learned from their mistakes and learn to understand this fact of life.

I am no Christian. I'm no Catholic. No Muslim. Nor Buddhist. Or any other religious affiliation! & I'm no heathen either! I am simply a believer who listens to the quiet voices within her own heart and soul. For God & the Earth speak to us through our hearts, do they not? Those of us who are able to quiet their hearts and minds would know this. I believe in many things and I know that all religions have their purpose which is to try and help guide humanity towards the right course in life. But I do not believe that any one religion is right and that all the others are wrong.

I believe that there is some truth behind ALL religions! I believe that all religion has a common root! It is that commonality that I believe in.. It is that root that I am searching for.. The belief that unites all other beliefs into one common entity! I AM A BELIEVER!!! Nothing more and nothing less! And when I finally do find that commonality, that shred of truth from the original core of all belief and religion... I will do everything I can to share what I have found with the world!

All this petty squabbling over who is right and who is wrong, which religion is correct and which is false, who is righteous & holy and who is a bedamned heathen is nothing but a bunch of proposterious nonesense and I refuse to accept any of it! Thus, I refuse to align myself with any one religion within society. Ever! For none of them are wrong!

Each religion and individual belief is meant to help each of us grow and learn in our own way. They are as unique and important as any essential part of any given culture or personality. What gives ANYONE the right to say that any one religion is false!? Eh!? It's like people are saying someone's personality, culture, or heritage is false, rotten, or wrong! How stupid can you people get!? Are you saying that CENTURIES of heritage, learning, and culture are simply rubish and should be thrown out!? When are you ever going to learn!? 

 If we are unable to learn from each other and our own history, heritage, and culture.. then we will all simply continue making the same mistakes of the past on into eternity! Wake up already!! Can't you see that all this fighting is pointless and a mockery to the lives of those who came before us? All you're doing is wasting precious life... the greatest gift any living creature could ever be given! 

We could easily solve ALL the world's problems if we would simply put aside our petty differences and work together! Isn't that the power of human ingenuity? What in this world have we NOT been able to accomplish when we all came together to work towards it? NOT A DAMN THING!! 

 *heavy sigh* Why do I feel like I'm the only person who sees all this? =_=, 

 *heavy sigh & shakes head* Well... anyway... I guess I've said enough for today... Those of you who bother to read this.. contemplate it a bit. Ok?

Dream Retirement..

I've decided that I want either one of two things for my retirement. I either want a nice, quiet little farm out in the middle of nowhere near the ocean in a country with very few people or I will find myself a deserted little island somewhere in the Pacific and become a permanent Sea Gypsy, selling and trading my wares and fish. Whichever one I choose, I will have a small garden with a few fruit trees that are native to the area or at least won't harm the natural ecosystem; that way I can sell or trade the extra fruits & veggies for the things I may need.

If I have a small little farm somewhere, I will build my own house, by hand, and make it as self-sufficient as possible so I won't need to depend on anyone for the things I need. I will have an animal farm with goats for milk, chickens, and sheep for wool. I will learn how to spin thread and make my own fabric so that I won't ever have to buy anything I can just make it all myself with the wool from my own sheep. Any extra animals I happen to gain through procreation of my animals I will sell for extra cash. I'm thinking I want a hobbit style home where it is all built with thick and harden wood with a layer of soil and grass covering it. as if my home were simply a hollowed out hill~^^

If I go for some deserted island somewhere, I will build a whimsically shack that will be capable of surviving the ocean storms with hammock beds and a sandy floor. I may not have an animal farm in this case unless the island can support it without the animals harming the natural environment of the island. If not, then I will focus on my artwork and sell that to make money. I will write books and trade the seafood I catch for the supplies I need.

I'm still trying to decide which one I would like better. It's still pretty much 50/50. Once I start sailing in a year or two however, I will have a better idea of which one I might like best~^^

Been working hard..

I'm slowly getting my dream up off the ground.. it's a little rocky right now money wise, but otherwise things are going great! ^^ I've started my charity project for the two organizations I wish to support most. I've got my new camera and I'm heading to Jeju Island this weekend to take pictures. I should be able to get some nice images there!

Dreamstime has been rejecting my images as too common... which is a bit of a bummer.. but I'm not giving up just because of that! I can always sell the prints~^^ Then I get all the profit! My first charity project is already underway. I call the project the Tshirt Teddies Charity Project and the first project is JYJ Tshirt Teddies made from my JYJ Busan Concert T~^^ I'm already 75% done sewing the first of the 3 bears! I'll be able to have them all sewn before the stuffing even gets here. ;)

I can't seem to sleep tonight.. I've got so much on my mind. Stressed cuz of the money strain.. excited for the Jeju trip and the International Boat Show next week. but I think most of all I'm more flustered about the guy I've been talking to all month.... :"> He's funny, cute, charming, and a complete tease! He's constantly picking on me! But he also offers me really good and honest advice, supports me, and allows me to truly be myself. Course he picks on me for it... I'm a little older, so the other day he was calling me Granny.. pfft! lol!!! XD

Then just the other day he started flirting with me relentlessly. Next thing I know he says, "So you don't want to be important to me?" I was trying to get him to focus on his assignment that he had due in a couple of hours... I had told him that the assignment was far more important than me and that I could wait to chat with him later. Then he suddenly says THAT! O_O My jaw simply dropped... I felt like a dumbfounded deer in headlights staring forward blanking without comprehending a thing......

Ha! *shakes head* :) This boy.... he's really thrown me throw a loop. Well.. I'm trying not to think too much about it. We met online and have yet to meet each other in person.. but because of the other day, we spoke yesterday about maybe meeting in the future.. sometime around the start of the new year. Whether he flies here, or I fly there... we haven't decided yet, but who knows? Things may change. I'm not taking this too seriously. For once, I don't feel like I have to hang on his every word or that something is wrong when he doesn't respond. I'm not stressed over him, but he certainly makes me smile~^^

Every time my phone goes off now, I smile and immediately think it's him messaging me. Most of the time it is~^^ Sometimes it isn't.. but eh... He's had me smiling all month. That's really nice. & to not feel any pressure or anything... that's really nice. It's nice to have someone I can comfortably talk to without fear~^^ Anyway.. I'm feeling tired and peaceful finally.. I guess I will try to sleep now.. Good night everyone~

Meheheheheh!!! >;) Gotta love the way my mind works~

I thought of a way to have a completely FREE site for running my business through!! >:) Heh~ Well.. I guess I should call it a project.. its not a formal business per say. Just a place where I can showcase my art and accept requests through. Everything concerning Dream Ship will be available there! I decided not to go with a website, as I would be forced to pay for such a site monthly in order to keep it up and running after the first year. Also, it would cost me almost $20/month to make it an e-commerce site and that's too danged confusing for me. Thus, I have decided to simply make a new blog site in which to run Dream Ship through! ;)

Anything formally concerning Dream Ship shall be posted there from now on and this blog will simply be for my own personal musings and thoughts. I will still talk about Dream Ship here, but any official Dream Ship business or notices will be posted up under my Dream Ship blog. If you wish to check it out, here's the address: http://dssunnyfreedom.blogspot.com/

I do have a few images available on the blog now.. so I hope you will all visit~ 

Happy Hunting! ^v^ 

Keh.. Wow... How quickly life can change~

Wow... Everything that happens and everyone we meet... it is all for a reason. & I am damn glad that this boy Aaron messaged me. He's helped me to sort some things out that have been bothering me and has given me a new sense of direction. To think... a Singaporean was the one to help me feel pride in my heritage and country.

I have hated America and  the way things are in the world for most of my life. I have watched so much bs in the news and heard so much.. witnessed so much hated, greed, and negativity in this world and had become sickened by it. So much so that I was ready to simply turn my back on it all and say screw it! I still hate the way the world is today... but nothing will EVER get better if those people like myself who hate the world simply turn our backs against it.

If I don't like the way things are, then I should do what I can to change them. If I don't like my country's reputation within the world, then as an American I should work hard to try and change it. If I don't like how my country is, then as an American I should do my part to try and change it! For the very first time in my life, I finally understand the meaning of patriotism and having pride in one's country. I finally understand my duty.. what it is that I am mean to do in this world.

From now on.. no more bitching.. no more griping.. no more complaining! I will no longer sit back on the side lines and grumble about how horrible the game is nor how shitty the players are.. I am going to stand up and step onto the field myself and knock some heads together until things are straightened out more to my liking! Like I have always told myself and those around me.. "If you don't like your life, then change it!" Well.. now the same goes for the world..  If I don't like the world as it is, then I should do my part to try and change it!

If I don't.. then my children and grandchildren and great grandchildren will have to deal with the same shitty bs that I've had to deal with my whole life and there is no way in HELL that I am going to allow that! I swore.. I swore! That I would NEVER allow my children to go through what I have gone through! But in order to make sure that that doesn't happen.. I had better start working now in order to change the way things are!

Thank you Aaron.... I owe you one...... this is one thing I shall never forget!

Nakama....

I got this word from my favorite anime One Piece.. Nakama is a Japanese word that when strictly translated can mean "a company, set, group, party, circle, gang, companion, fellow, mate, colleague, associate, etc." However, in One Piece (and to my favorite character Luffy) it means so much more than just that. It means "comrade/ally/crewmember" & "friend/mate/partner" and has a lot more weight to its significance than just saying a friend.

To Luffy, a "nakama" is a friend and comrade that he is willing to give his all for, he protects them with all of his power and being, and he is willing to fight to the death to keep them safe. He still does the same for his friends (tomodachi), but he is less concerned about them than he is about his nakama's well-being. He has friends spread all over the world that he thinks about now and then and looks out for when he is with them, but his nakama are the people who always remain by his side through thick and thin.. no matter what. It is those nakama that he desires to protect with every fiber of his being, even though he knows that they can take care of themselves.

I am very much the same.. without even realizing it at first I began to look at my own relationships with others. I have MANY people that I call my friend, and several score more that I consider acquaintances... but I have always felt like the relationships I have weren't quite deep enough. I see now that I have been searching the world for people that I myself might be able to call "nakama". People who will stay by my side through thick and thin.. no matter the squalls. People who would, upon hearing of my current plans for adventure, would jump on board without a second thought while trusting me to lead the way.

Keh.... I've tried again and again to form a relationship like this... and once or twice I had thought I had it.. But then things fell apart and I didn't even understand what the heck it was I had done wrong. Heck! I'm still not exactly sure what went wrong! All I know is that their trust in me to keep my word failed. I run at a different pace than the rest of the world.. Everyone today is all about now, now, now... where as I am much more flexible. Also.. it always involved money... and I learned the hard way that to most people money is far more important than friends. This lesson has been by far the hardest for me to learn.......

I simply don't understand how money could be so damned important! How can MONEY be more important than the people who are apart of your life? Why do people place so much more value on those insignificant shreds of paper and $$ signs than they do in the relationships they have with others? If you value your friends and family more than you value money, you can live a very rich life where everyone helps each other out. I guess I'm a bit socialist in this aspect as I believe wealth should be shared among those people you care about most.

I don't care about money.. I can't take it with me when I gone~ Besides! Money never makes people happy! No matter how much money a person might have, they are never happy unless they have family or close friends in which to share it with. I guess that's where my problems lie... Since I see money so much differently than the norm of people that I grew up with, of course it would cause problems.. Especially since I had little or no money at all during my college years and was dependent on others.. always promising to get them back once I finished college and got a good job.

I had every intent to do so and I still desire to return the money that was paid to me with a bit of tacked on interest.. but since it has taken me so long to get to a point where I finally can pay people back..... none of them talk to me anymore. They all got fed up with waiting and kicked me out of their lives without so much as a second glance... Hence why I felt so betrayed. But I guess I can't blame them... I did stay in college for 8 years without a decent way of paying them back. Most people are only willing to wait a year at most and don't give a rat's arse about promises. But I've gotten side-tracked~

Like Luffy.. I wish to find a small group of nakama... people I can let into my inner circle without fear of being betrayed. People I know I can trust and who I know trust and believe in me. I have been searching for 27.5 years for people like this and I have found some VERY close friends in the process~^^ They know who they are... But yet.. none of them are as reckless and crazy as I am to say that they will join me as I sail around the world. This is where the difference lies between calling them my best friends in the whole world and calling them my nakama. For they truly are my best friends in the whole entire world and I know for a fact that I can count on them to be there if ever I call with advice or aid if needed... & they can always count on me should they need me~^^ But I can't count on them to join me in my wild venture~ :P

I don't blame them though~^^ They have their own lives and their own dreams they wish to accomplish and I would NEVER take that away from them! I just wish I had 1 or 2 people like them that I could call my bestest friends in the whole wide world as well as my nakama because they'd willing join me and be my crew for when I finally set sail in a year or two saying, "You just tell me when & where.. & I'll be there!".. I'm still working on it though~^^ I haven't given up and I'm not the least bit upset with any of my friends! I love them as if they were my family. I want them to be happy and pursue their dreams as I have been.

I just hope that in time... I might find 1 or 2 people that I can call my Nakama........

WEBSITE UP & RUNNING!! :D

After 5 long hours of finagaling... I finally have my website built! :D Check it out! I hope you like it~^^ If you have any suggestions, please let me know! ;)

http://dssunnyfreedom.blogspot.com

Kya! Photography tools acquired! :D

I finally purchased my DSLR camera for the photography portion of my business! :D It's the 20.3 megapixel Samsung NX200 DSLR~^^ & I LOVE IT!!! It's light weight, simple to use, and has all the features I could possibly ask for! Check out some of the pictures I took yesterday!

Beautiful~ aren't they!? :D KYA!!! XD I can't WAIT to go to Jeju Island next month to take more pictures!! Wait for them! The next step now is to build a webpage for selling my photos digitally~ ;)

Ouch... >_<

So I just heard back from the ship designer.. He wants $8,000.00 Canadian for him and his crew to design me a ship and then give me a 2D color sketch of the ship itself.. TT^TT........

THERE'S NO WAY!!! Not when I know for a fact the I can get myself an actual nice working sailboat for about twice that. Back to the drawing board I guess. I'm just going to stick to my guns.. buy myself a used ~50ft sailboat.. redo the rigging so that she is equiped with gaff rigging and the sails that I desire (if for some reason I can't find a ship for sale that already has such rigging).. repaint her.. then sail off in my new ship.

When doing anything, it's best to stay within your budget. No need to put yourself in debt trying to do something you can't afford. You can still make your dreams come true even without all that cash.. as long as you are willing to be flexible and make a few sacrifices.. and I'm not about to give up!

I WILL make it happen! I'm sick and tired of living in a world that tries to deny people their dreams just because they aren't made of money! I will prove once and for all that one CAN make their dreams come true! No matter their station! No matter their background! No matter their trials! ANYONE CAN MAKE THEIR DREAMS COME TRUE! So long as they are willing to work hard for them!

Watch me world! I'm going to bust down every barrier and obstacle you put in front of me and make every single one of my dreams come true! AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME!!!!! ＼(>o<)/

An Arab Dhow! :D

The designer finally e-mailed me back~ He told me that my designs remind him of the Arab Dhow.. I had no idea what kind of ship that was, so I looked it up.. & I LOVE IT!!! XD

This ship is very close to the exact kind of design I have been trying to draw up myself! Beautiful isn't it!? :D The designer then told me that I could have one built for me for a reasonable price in Egypt, Turkey or Malaysia. I have friends in Malaysia!!! :D I could very easily go to Malaysia, visit my friends, work, and oversee the building of my ship all at the same time! I still have a million and a half details to work out.. like costs, where to get my experience, time frame, etc.. but I finally have a more solid direction in which to move! ^^

This is a beautiful model of an Arab Dhow hull that I ADORE!

I'd love for my ship to be this beautiful! TvT

I asked the guy for more formal quotes on the costs for having him and his crew professionally design me a ship of this caliber and what kind of costs I'd be looking at to build such a ship at 48ft in length. Once I hear back from him on that, I will have a more solid idea of whether or not this avenue is doable for me. If he quotes me a couple hundred thousand... heck! more than $50,000 in order to build such a ship... I won't be able to do it and I'll simply have to scrap the idea. But if he gives me a quote of less than that, I could handle it and have my ship built within the next 4 years~^^

It may seem like a long time, but the time will fly by faster than one might imagine. I'll have to spend a year or two back in the states working, saving up money, getting sailing experience, getting my captain's license, and a few other things.. but after that, I should have about $35,000 saved up to start my build and then I can go to Malaysia to work and oversee the building of my ship. Maybe I'll happen upon some wealthy benefactor who will be willing to help me out in my venture~^^

LOL! Like that would ever happen! I've NEVER had that kind of luck! I've always had to fight tooth and nail for every single scrap I have ever gotten in this life and I seriously doubt that anything would change that now~

Anyhow~ Wish me luck! XD

What I can do..

I am anxious to get started with my new business and make my dream come true, but there isn't really anything I can do right now other than read my books on sailing and save up money. I can't leave my job due to my contract and also because I need the money. I can't purchase a boat yet because there is no reason for it since I can't use it until next year. I also have no way of being sure of what I am buying since I can't see the ship in person beforehand. I can purchase fabric and materials since materials here are so cheap.. but then I'd have to ship them to the US thus negating the money I had saved by buying them here.. so that's out.....

Ugh... I'm so anxious to get started but I'm stuck! *sigh* Oh well... there's nothing for it but to stick to it and bide my time until my contract is finished. I will read my books, studying sailing and carpentry, and save my money.

I can buying my DSLR and start selling my photography. I can make my website! :D I forgot about that! Ok~ There's something constructive for me to work on so that I don't feels as if I'm just sitting here with my thumb up my bum~^^♥

Once I have the site put together and found a host, I will post the link here. The site will explain my business and will also host all my photography for purchase. Keep your eyes open! ^^

Prudence and reality

I have come to realize that the most prudent and realistic path to my dream is not to rail against the times trying to build an old fashion ship.. but to simply purchase a modern used cruiser aand reoutfit her to suit my tastes. This will not only be the path of least resistance, but shall also be the fastest and cheapest way to attaining what I desire; a ship out on the ocean with no one to answer to except myself and mother nature. So I have finally decided to do just that. Why rail against the times? All it does is cause grief and makes it harder for you to attain whatever it is your heart desires~

People blockin' & hatin'

So people in the business of designing and building ships for a living don't want to help someone unless they have hundreds of thousands of dollars to invest in it... huh?

Fine then! I will just get my own ship design software and do the work myself! I am not about to let the society standard tell me what I can and cannot do! >:(

I WILL SET A NEW STANDARD!

A standard where the amount of effort decides whether or not you make it! Not money.. Where individual hard work decides whether or not a goal is reached! Not the amount of money invested or the kinds of connections one might have.. I know that this is what the American dream was based on, but now so many Americans and people around the world for that matter are being trapped in and denied their dreams by the greedy people who happen to have money or power.

I will reawaken the American dream~ NO! The HUMAN DREAM!! But not just for Americans.. I will awaken that dream in the hearts of everyone around the world! NO ONE IS GOING TO STOP ME FROM ATTAINING MY DREAM!! I may have to make adjustments here and there in order to attain it, but I am not giving up on having my very own sailboat and sailing/arts business!

No matter what! I WILL make it happen! ;) To all my doubters.. Thank You~^^ Your denial of it only makes me all the more determined TO PROVE YOU WRONG!! >:)

Plans denied...

Ok.. well maybe not denied.. but the ship designer told me there would be a lot of issues with the design I have in mind. He has asked me about how much money I was looking at spending on this, so after he reads that he may turn me away or tell me that I will need a lot more money.

I have asked him to let me know of some good ship design books that I could look at, so maybe I can redesign my ship yet again with more sound knowledge about what is safe and what isn't. I have also asked if they might have any designs that he thinks I may like and will suit my purposes. So, hopefully, I won't be turned away.

I have told the guy that I am in the very early stages of planning, so I hope he will understand and try to help me out. If he does, then I will be willing to pay them for some good designs.

I will have to think about the building material too. I may have to go fiberglass just to save money. We will see. I also need to find a shipyard in which to build my boat..

Who knows? Maybe I should just cut my losses and go for a used boat and fix it up? I have 10 months to figure it all out. By the time I get back to the states, I will have a solid plan all worked out~^^

Ship design companies contacted~

Ok! I've made it to the next step! I have just contacted a few ship design companies to ask for some advice on my designs and to see if they are sound enough to actually build. I am only in the very beginning stages of this, so it'll still be some time before I actually move on from here.

I have merely told them of my purpose and my ideas so as to ask for their advice. They may even say that they can't help me, so I will have to be patient until I hear back from them. One company in particular looked promising as their website even advertised "old-fashioned" yacht designing and the pictures of their ships were beautiful and quite close to what I was looking at before deciding to design my own.

I hope that they will e-mail me back soon with advice or even ask me to e-mail them my designs! If I can get blueprints drawn up before I even get back to the states, that would be AWESOME! I even mentioned that I am looking for a shipyard where I would be allowed to help in the building and construction of my ship, so maybe they will be able to give me some info on that as well~^^

Here I go... no turning back now... it's either invest & buckle down to doing some major work.. or drop it & move on........

& I REFUSE TO BACK DOWN!!! I am not about to give up on this dream! For once I have a totally feasible dream that will fulfill my every desire! Who in their right mind would give up something like that? Yes.... it'll cost me a lot of money to get started, but in the end it will be completely worth it! An investment that I know I can have returned to me almost ten-fold or more! So this is it.... Time to invest! ;)

Hrm.. ouch...

Well.. a phone call to the family has put a bit of a dent into my plans. Looks like my grandparents have gotten rid of the cement foundation that the old trailer used to sit on and have now planted fruit trees there. They also don't seem to want to have anyone around as often as I would be if I were to live with them or be building a boat in their yard... so now I gotta find a new place to build my boat and a place to live when I get back to the states.

*groans* Just more expenses to take away from my efforts to start my own business! TT^TT *sigh* But I'll figure something out. I can still make this work! I just gotta find the right job and the right location to do it all in.. I'm gonna have to work on all my connections to see what's possible and what isn't. I still want to do a Tall Ship internship, but I need to contact them for more information, because if they want to charge me to work on their ship.. forget it! I'm not going to pay someone to let me work on their ship!

Besides! There's tons of other ways I can get sailing experience. The trick is going to be finding a place to build my boat. I can always stay with family while I work on my ship. But where to build the ship where it's not going to cost me extra money? Every penny spent on something else is a penny taken away from my ship & my business.. which means it'll take longer to get her all up & running. I don't want it to take any longer than 2-3 years to get going & get me out on the open ocean!

So... now I guess I need to find myself a shipwright. That should be my next move I guess. If I can find a shipwright, then I can start getting a good figure on costs and maybe they will have  place where I can build my ship. I wonder if I can find a ship to fix up and cut down on the building time and costs? I seriously doubt it.. considering the kind of boat I wish to have.

Hrm.......... Things just got a bit more complicated......... BUT I AM NOT GIVING UP!!!

So many ideas!

I keep thinking about my ship and future business... making adjustments and improvements here and there. Scratching out things that would require too much effort or would be too stressful and putting in things that will be fun and simple to handle without having to get all kinds of certifications.

I have decided that I would like to become a dual citizen of Korea.. but that will require so much.... I am also thinking of becoming an Irish citizen! :D Migrate back to the country of my roots!! XD Ou! I can become an Irish citizen and then marry my Korean love! *thinks about it* KYAAA! (=>o<=)

OH MY GOSH THE FUTURE IS GOING TO BE A BLAST!!! XD I can't wait to get started!!

LOOK OUT WORLD!! HERE I COME!!! ＼＼(>o<)//

So...

I am slowly getting together the materials and knowledge I need to build a boat. I need to start getting together info on how to run my own business. I have my sailing books which I have been reading, little by little, but nothing beats first hand experience. So I will be gaining the bulk of my knowledge of sailing through crewing and internships when I get back to the states.

I have all kinds of ideas and thoughts on where to get my crafting supplies, so no worries there. I have a place I can get my wood from for my ship and I'm working on a more sound ship design. All I need is for a professional shipwright to look over the designs and tell me if it's doable.. or tweak the designs so they will be.

I have plenty of job opportunities in the states due to my education, experience, and connections, so I won't have too much difficulty finding a good job to fund the building of my dream. Now all I need is to get back, get started, and find myself some good, reliable nakama who want to join me in this venture. No one ever wants to go it alone.. but I will if I have to. I've always had to in the past, so I see no difference in this. I'm not afraid to be on my own.. I can take care of myself~ But it would be nice to have some nakama to share my dreams with...

I know! :D

I was considering my boat size dilemma.. and I suddenly thought of an alternative! :D

I could simply get a ship that's about half way in between those two sizes then have the best of both worlds! ^^ I should have thought of that sooner~ lol! Oh well~ So now I'll be considering some more options on boat sizes that are approximately 48ft in length. This size I can still rig to sail solo safely, but still have plenty of room to take on a 4-6 member crew with ease~^^ I'll keep you all posted on what I finally decide to get!

I love it when plans are fluid and nothing is set in stone~ It allows for endless possibilities until you are able to figure out EXACTLY what it is you want and what is best for you! ;)

Hrm... A hiccup..

I didn't consider the fact that parents would not be very willing to let their children sail off with a stranger for 2 weeks out on the open ocean... It's dangerous to say the least even if their parents are there. So I'm going to have to rethink the Dream Ship Children's Camp... Maybe I can simply make it a day camp and the parents are allowed to come along for the ride as well~ That could work.. Then I would be able to charge less and take on more people, as well as offer it far more often! I could anchor in a port and provide daily day camps where we sail out in the early morning, then return after sunset. That might work better and attract more families~^^ I will have to think about it some more..

Any dream worth having..

IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR!!

Striving for...

and working hard to make it into a reality..

I REALLY want to make a difference! I want to help the world.. I want to help the children.. If the bigger ship is the better way to do all that... then I need to just suck it up, push my way forward, and stop whining & groaning about the what ifs & consequences that come with it.

I truly want the big ship.. in my heart of hearts I long to build her with my own two hands and charge my way forward to making a difference in this wretched world we live in. I am very opinionated, though I do hide it 98% of the time.. there are very few people who know my true views of the world. That will be changing soon, however~

I want to write books. I want to be an example, someone's hero, an icon that young people can look up to and strive to be like. There's not enough people out there that they can look up to.. not in my opinion anyway. Too much war.. too much strife.. too much anger in the world...... but it is changing, if slowly~

Ok! Enough said on the subject! I've made my decision! & heaven help me to see it through to the end & remain steadfast & strong~

Ship size, Pros & Cons

Ok.. Time to look at the pros and cons of the two ships I'm wanting. Half the time I just want a small 35ft sailboat that I can crew solo.. the other half of the time I want a nice, big 69ft ship that would require a minimum crew of 4 others plus me.

SMALL CRAFT PROS:

• I can sail solo.
• I can escape the world whenever I wish.
• No one to worry about but myself when it comes to safety and supplies, which is easiest when it comes to money worries.
• I can go wherever I want to go, whenever I want to go there, without worrying about what others want to do.
• Can easily run under the radar of any gov't vessels and possible pirates, thus being able to avoid some situations that I'd like to avoid.
• It's a LOT cheaper and I can start sailing a LOT sooner than I'd be able to in trying to build a big ship.
• With only myself, I don't have to worry about anyone else's comfort but my own.
• A smaller business is far easier to run and there's less to worry about. 
• On my own I can volunteer my time and vessel for any deed I deem worthy without having to worry about gaining the consent of the crew like on a bigger vessel.
• No hassles, no fuss.

SMALL CRAFT CONS:

• Lonely and more dangerous for my own personal safety in regards to having run-ins with scum.
• Not as safe as a larger boat on the ocean with others around to help out with things.
• Craft is less stable and making ocean voyages is more risky.
• Less room.. thus harder to have a nice lifeboat on board in case of emergencies.
• Less space for a garden for fresh veggies and fruits, for solar panels and wind turbines for energy, for storage and running my business.
• Less able to enact change and reach the people whose lives I hope to change and make better.

LARGE SHIP PROS:

• More room for everything.
• Able to have separate cabins for crew members which would provide more comfort and ease of mind.
• More stable and sea worthy for the long treks across vast oceans.
• I can take people with me and have company as I sail.
• A bigger ship is more likely to attract attention and business than a smaller ship.
• The ship I want to build will be very unique and beautiful, thus more able to attract customers for my business.
• It's a better investment for my money and I can build it as I wish.. to my specifications
• Better able to make a statement and enact change with a ship that's more readily noticeable and recognizable than a small ship that would probably go unnoticed completely.

LARGE SHIP CONS:

• A large ship REQUIRES a crew to be able to sail.
• I am less able to get away from everyone and everything with the restrictions and responsibilities that come with captaining a large ship.
• Less likely to be able to run under the radar of gov't vessels and possible pirates, thus less able to avoid certain situations.
• I go from having the pure freedom of sailing to having to deal more with the bureaucracy of the world.
• Will take a lot longer to obtain and cost a lot more money, be harder to upkeep
• The bigger business will be harder to run and keep afloat is things go south.
• LOTS of hassle, LOTS of fuss.

Maybe.. I can do both? Dry dock the larger vessel when I wish to escape on my own and switch when I want to get back to my bigger project of helping others. But that would cost a fortune... which I don't have. Although.. I can still enact change in a smaller ship.. sometimes smaller ripples have a better effect on the world around them than trying to make a giant splash and huge waves. People don't like change to come sudden and fast like a raging storm.. People prefer the gentle, passive passage of time with minor changes that come like the changing of the tide.

I don't know!!!!!! I could REALLY use some input on this one.... this is when having friends & family to bounce ideas off of comes in handy and can make a huge difference. It is also DEEPLY appreciated and I like constructive criticism. I consider all sides of an issue and sometimes I need an outsider's view to pick out things I may have missed.

Anyone with a comment, experience, or simply wishing to put in their two cents worth.. please comment~ Thanks!

Such a fickle heart..

*sigh*

One day I want to take my time and build myself a nice boat, gather a crew of nakama, and sail the seas to make the world a better place.. A few days later I just want to get a small boat for myself, take to the seas alone, and forget the rest of the world......

One day I care so much about everyone around me and want to help them.. the next I can't stand people and simply wish to be left alone to my own thoughts & devices......

Maybe I'm bi-polar? Just not the extreme type where my mood swings wildly in a single day, but where my mood swings slowly from one extreme to another.. Maybe it's because I'm a Libra? Or maybe it's just because I'm a woman and these things are natural...? I don't know anymore..

At least one thing remains constant.. I want to have a boat and sail the world's oceans. As a sailor, I can spend time with people when I wish and leave them behind when I wish to be left alone. Maybe I'd be better off with a small ship and sailing solo... I don't know today...

I hate the way I am sometimes.. my fickleness and not always knowing exactly what I want. If I held Captain Jack Sparrow's compass right now, it'd be spinning wildly without any direction to point in. But then again.. once I voice my feelings and concerns.. things change and I begin to find my direction again~

*chuckles & sighs*

Oh well.. it's just a function of the day~ I'll get over it~^^

Ok.. ^^

I suddenly really wanted to write in my blog.. so I am~^^

I'm so excited about my dream! It's more and more plausible each and every day as I do more and more research into what needs to be done and the possible job opportunities that would come with it! With spring fast approaching, my spirits have begun to soar and my vision is becoming more fine tuned with every passing moment.

I'm figuring out what it is I truly want, where I want to go with this dream of mine, and how I wish to use my dream to help others find dreams of their own. I think I may have found a man who would be willing to join me in this venture.... but if not, I will completely understand and he and I will still be the best of friends. I will DEFINITELY be making Portland my port of birth when I finally have my ship, or at least my second home~^^

I truly love the Caribbean... and I will want to sail her seas often. I also love the Pacific Islands & Australia.. so I will wish to sail there often as well. The OCEAN the be my home! Not one particular part of the ocean, but ALL the world's oceans! The ocean is the only part of the world that hasn't been chopped up and walled off like the land has been. Yes, there may be blockades of ships... but for a simple sailor and tourist, most of those blockades won't apply to me.

There are SO many possibilities! I'm planning to have ~$15,000 saved up by the end of the year. That will require me to not do a single thing and simply sit at home all the time, but I am willing to make the sacrifice in order to get the ship I want. Actually, that money will simply be a down payment! I have designed a beautiful 69' vessel with plenty of space and fully powered by green energy and that's the ship I wish to have!

It will take some time, but that's okay. I'm more open to using different building materials now to make her cheaper and lighter, thus easier to build and sail. I have the perfect place to work on her, too~^^ So long as I can get me a trailer to haul her to the sea once she is finished. Oh... I'll need a truck... yuck.. XP Ah! I'll borrow a family member's truck or a friend's! That'll work! ^^ I don't need to own a truck, just the trailer. I can borrow a truck whenever I need to pull her out of the water for repairs or dry-docking. ^^

I love my ingenuity! :D

Anyway! I'm not giving up! In fact... I'm even more pumped now than I was before! NO ONE is going to take away my dreams nor my determination! >:)

Still want to make a difference..

As much as people drive me crazy and infuriate me a lot of the time... I still want to make a difference. I still want to make the world a better place. It's the adults and so-called rulers of this world that I cannot stand... and it's the children whom I want to affect change in.

I view most adults as lost causes.. stuck in their ways.. they won't want change. But the children do! The children are so full of dreams and desires.. things they wish to see happen in this world. The children are innocent and pure.. I want to help them make the right choices before the scum of society taints their gentle hearts.

I want to do so much.. but can I really make that much of a difference? Also.. who am I to say I am better than the rest of the people out there who are trying to reach the children? There are so many programs out there that are trying to make a difference and I support many of them. They provide food, shelter, a talent, a means to make a living, necessities, medical care, etc.. But is there any that can give the children dreams? Dreams beyond what is currently available to them in the world today?

I keep thinking about my Dream Ship program that I want to start... I don't want to give it up! I really feel I could make a difference with it.. I guess I can start off small. A small ship with a small crew and only a few children. If the camp takes off, then I can get a bigger boat in time.

I want to change the world... But am I too late?

Huh..... alright..

So Dreamstime rejected all my photos for one reason or another. Apparently a small time photographer with no professional training isn't able to sell their work to a big stock photography site; they'll simply reject it.

So! I've decided that I'm simply going to sell my photos privately as postcards. The photos I have now are only good at a small size anyway. I knew that from the get go.. so I'm going to print them and sell them as postcards. I'll have to get Photoshop thou.. XP I need some of the features that Photoshop has that Artweaver doesn't so I can make the photos look like professional postcards.

I am NOT giving up! So some professional site doesn't think my work is good enough.. screw them! All my friends want to buy my work and have been waiting for it to post to the site, even though I offered it to them for free~ That's reason enough for me to keep trying.

And I think I will invest in a nice camera... I like taking photos.. I don't like MY photo taken as the camera always makes me look fat! But I love taking landscape, wildlife, and sunset shots.. I will keep pushing forward and start my own postcard business or something~^^

Back to my business venture..

It's still in the works, but I'm still working on it. TY Boo for giving me time to regain my perspective! I was about ready to just forget the whole idea.. lol~ not really, but it had been pushed to the back burner a bit. >_< Opps.....

Ok! I'm still reading my books. I am STILL going home when my contract is up to either buy a project boat and fix it up or build a boat. I will also be doing a couple sailing internships to gain experience. I want to get my concealed weapons permit and a captain's license. I also want to get my business up and running. (I sure hope boo will join me after he's finished his tour here.. but if not, I understand.....)

I will get a 30 - 60ft boat, depending on how many crew members I have committed by the time I go to purchase the boat. If there's no one committed to it, then I will settle for a smaller boat. No need to go extravagant for just myself. Not only that, a bigger boat requires more hands to sail it and if I'm alone I won't be able to handle a big boat.

I'm looking through the classifieds and eBay Motors for a good project that isn't too far away from my mom, so that she can pick it up for me. I will, hopefully, be staying at my grandparents' house when I move back to the states as they have a big house and yard which would be perfect for me to work on a boat in. Plus, they are aging and I want to be there with them. I will prolly get a night time job somewhere. Maybe bar-tending~ Great tips! ;D

We'll see~ My focus? My future business! I really like my man.... but if I really want him to like me for me, I can't change who I am for him. I have to keep moving forward with the plans I've had for the past few months and build a future for myself.. because... just as he has told me.. nothing is guaranteed to last.... Better to get my life in order and focus on that, than to focus on a relationship that isn't guaranteed... & NO relationship is EVER guaranteed!

Wish me luck~^^

Okay.. so..

So this St. Paddy's Day is going to be just like any other has been in my life. My boyfriend and I discussed it and decided we didn't have the money to blow on something like that; we are both trying to save for our separate reasons. But I still have to go to Seoul for an eye appointment with the LASIK Doc. One last check up at 2:30p.. so I'll be going alone to do that, which is fine~

I've come to realize that I need some distance in a relationship at first to prevent myself from becoming blinded by emotion. Not a lot of distance.. just a good amount of time to myself to think things over and keep things in perspective. & luckily for me, he understands that and is far better at making the right choice for me than I am.

I don't want to fall for the idea of him.. I want to fall for HIM... for who he is... exactly as he is.. Anything else would be a farce and would only end up with myself or both of us getting hurt. I don't want that........ TT^TT

I realize now that that was the mistake I had made in all my past relationships. I allowed myself to become blinded by emotion and fell far too quickly and too deeply for a guy before I even really knew who he was. Then, when I was finally able to see him for who he was... I hated myself for having become so blind and making such a choice. This time.... I won't let that happen.

Thankfully, he wishes for the same. He said something last night that simply blew me away... "I always pretend like it's not going to last, so that I continue to work hard in order to make it last. Once you assume that a relationship will last, you don't do the things you'd do otherwise or you keep working at it even when it's way beyond obvious that the relationship is over and that only causes problems." It got me thinking about how I've approached relationships in the past and made me realize why every relationship ended up souring in the end. I had assumed that the relationship would last and was working my butt off to make sure it did, even though my heart was screaming at me for being an idiot.

This time.. things will be different. I'm adopting a new mindset. I'm going to work hard to try and make things last without assuming anything. In my heart.. I feel..... well.. I don't want to say it just yet. Our relationship has only just begun and I don't want to mess this one up. Not because I don't want to get hurt again nor because I don't want to be alone. I'm okay with being alone and have even accepted that eventual fact of life. But because I'm starting to see him, I think.. for who he is... and if the man I'm beginning to see is the man he truly is... I sure as hell don't want to let him go.

He's a good man with a strong and loving heart who truly understands me. The mere fact that he seems to understand me for who I am is reason enough for me to want him around. No one has ever truly understood me. He can tell me how I'm feeling almost exactly without me even having to say a word. How many people in the world can claim that someone in their life is able to understand them like that? lol~ Prolly more than I think... XP

Now, I don't want anyone to think that I've become twitterpated by him. I'm merely saying he has my attention & I want to see where this may lead... I do know that I never want to see him walk out of my life. Whether we end up as friends or (hopefully) more... I know now that he is someone I can always count on to do what is right, even if it's an extremely difficult thing to do. Thank you.................

This upcoming holiday..

St. Patty's Day is right around the corner. I wasn't going to even bother celebrating it, but I've been invited out to a huge festival that's going to be held in Seoul. That.. and my new boyfriend really wants me to go to it with him.

I still can't believe I have a boyfriend now. It just doesn't feel like it. But he is sweet, funny, understanding, and giving... all the things I've been looking for. For the first time, I have a man that not only wants to get to know me completely for who I am with no delusions or games.. but actually truly understands me! No one has EVER understood me! Not even my own family!

I can't hide anything from him, because he can see it in my eyes. Which anyone should have noticed that fact, but no one has ever really taken the time to do so. He knows exactly what to do to comfort me, make me smile, even make me laugh. We both like the same things.. and even hate the same things. It all just seems so unreal.

We'll see.... I'm trying not to have any expectations and I'm also trying to keep from falling in too deeply, too quickly. I CANNOT get hurt again.... I just can't........ It'd destroy me............... But he seems to know this and understand it. He's trying hard not to push things and let me take my time. He's told me that this is hard for him too, because he has been hurt as well. He even came to Korea because he just had to get away from it all. He just never expected to run into a girl like me.. nor did I ever expect to run into a guy like him. I had even settled for spending the rest of my life alone and was perfectly fine with the idea. It's all just so perfectly random and unexpected that neither of us really know what to make of it..... keh~

So... this St. Patty's Day will be the first I ever actually celebrated and partied for. Only because he wants to spend the time with me and take me to the festival. I will try to post pictures and a blog about the party. It should be fun~^^ Wish me luck in this... I'm gonna need it.......

You know....

I've always kind of wanted to own a small farm in Ireland or some place near the ocean with wide open pastures~

I love animals and farming is a good, respectable career and pastime... but the chances of this ever happening? pft.. With the expenses of buying and owning land.. the costs of buying owning and caring for livestock.. and then having to build a house and stay in one spot for the rest of my life??? *sigh*

I don't think so.. It may seem like a nice idea at times, but when I really think about all that goes into such a life I just groan. I may consider it for my retirement should I happen to amass enough money for such a life or marry a man who already has such a farm or said funds... but it's merely a nice idea at this point... nothing more.

I've taken the first step..

I found a stock photography site online where I can easily upload my photos and receive a decent rate of income from the sale of any of my photos. I have about 2,000 photos on my computer alone from the past 3 years; and that's not including all the photos that got wiped from my computer by accident.

Give me a camera and a good venue to photo and I will crank out hundreds of photos easily within a few hours. I only have a tiny 5x Fujifilm Finepix Z80 camera at the moment, but many of pictures I've taken with it have gotten high praise and remarks from friends, family, and even perfect strangers. So I've uploaded some of my very best and hope to get some kind of feedback within a few days. I'm only allowed to upload 140 photos a week and it takes up to 3 days to process the photos and make them available on the site. If the photos I've posted to Dreamstime.com are approved, then they will become available for the general public to purchase. I'm even given my own profile through the site:

http://www.dreamstime.com/Hopesmelody_info ~

If all goes well and my photos sell, then I will finally invest in the digital SLR I've been wanting as I will then have a very good reason to spend the money on it. Also, the camera is cheaper here in Korea than in America. I may even order it online~

I sure hope this works out.. if it does........... I will be SO unbelievably happy and proud! I've never had a whole lot of confidence in my artistic abilities as I know of hundreds of other people with better artist talent than myself, but having people buy my photos from a cheap little camera would make me feel I could really do a lot with my talents. ^^

Wish me luck!! :D

My future business..

It will be two fold~

I will have a sailing services business providing day cruises, transportation & delivery of people and packages at a reduced cost, salvage, repair, & even fishing charters~^^ Any and all services available via a sailboat, I will provide for those around me.

The other half of my business will be an online and straight off the ship arts & crafts business. I will sell photography online and sell my handmade crafts both online and from my ship. Photography would be hard to sell from my ship as I wouldn't have the ability to print.. much less print large prints for framing and selling. Now my best selling photos online I will then go and find a print shop and have them printed professionally in varying sizes that I would then provide from my ship, but only my best sellers.

The challenge? Finding someone to host my website for a decent price who would also handle the printing of my art. Or maybe I could just sell digital copies to art dealers and let them deal with the rest of it. But then I'm not quite sure how that works... I don't know.. guess it's just one more thing that I will have to research~

My hope...

My hope... is that one day the world might be different.. that the people will no longer fight.. and that love will resound all throughout the world...

I want to break down the borders that separate us. I wish I could explain it.. but I feel as if this is my mission in life; the mission given to me by Our Heavenly Father. He is pained by seeing us all fighting among ourselves.. Are we really so different?

We all feel, we all love, we all bleed when we are hurt.. and that blood is always red.. no matter the color of the person's skin. I want to take away these silly labels we have all placed upon ourselves and others. Even the labels we have placed on Him.. God, Allah, Jehovah... no matter what we call Him, He is still the same! So why must we fight among ourselves over what name we have given him?

*sigh* I just wish people could see Him as I do and understand His will as I do. He has given us all so much and only wishes for us all to live happy lives. Even those who do not believe, He understands that they do not need him.. and as long as they are happy in their lives and helping those around them, He doesn't mind. EVERY FATHER knows and understands that one day His children might not need Him as they once did. & Our Heavenly Father is no different~

He is the ultimate definition of Love & Forgiveness. He only wishes us a life of Happiness & Joy. A life filled with Love, Hope, & Good Will to all the world around us. I hope that one day... the rest of His children, my great extended family which has become spread throughout the world, will come to see and understand this as I do.. and stop hurting themselves and those around them......